March 29, 2012

undone

"love is not impatient. love is not mean. love is content. love is humble. love honors others. love seeks others. love is calm. love keeps record of rights. love delights in good and does not rejoice in lies. it never harms, never doubts, never despairs, never gives up." 1 corinthians 13 rearranged
 "love me when i least deserve it, because that's when i really need it." swedish proverb

the life lessons that i am learning just keep on coming. right when i feel that i have mastered one concept, i am then thrown back on my knees seeking help in handling and mastering another. my newest lesson as of late is that regarding the danger of becoming undone.

 i am learning that our true colors are shown in moments of trial and in moments of weakness. in those moments when we don't get the answer we wanted. when our world turns upside down. when the last thing we thought would ever happen becomes our reality. when we feel betrayed. when we feel alone. when we lose trust. when we feel wronged. when we feel lost. when we are confused.

and with the same token, true love is demonstrated to us in those moments when we least deserve it, and we show true love by giving it when it is least deserved. when we are the betrayed, alone, wronged, lost, and confused one, we prove whether we truly have meant the things that we have said or done by how we act in the few moments that follow.

 and in those moments, we only have 2 reactions to choose from: we either keep on doing, or we choose to become undone. when we choose to keep doing, we seek to continue the good that we have already done. we keep going. we keep building. we keep trying. we apologize. we make things right. we don't give up despite a bump in our course. and we keep showing the colors that we claim.

when we become undone, however, we lose it. we get angry. we seek revenge. we want repayment and vindication. and we justify it because we are hurting and broken. and we quickly undo every good thing that we ever said or did.

it begins like a run in your pantyhose that is, at first, insignificant and tiny. a tear in your jeans that nobody can see but that you can still feel. that one annoying pulled thread in your sweater that you can't help but notice. and once you begin to touch it. once you begin to pick at it. once you begin to pull it, it begins to unravel, and soon those little sweet nothings that you had built up and established turn into sweet little piles of nothing. everything good that you did becomes undone.

1 poor decision destroys 10 years of reputation. 2 minutes of gossip destroy 2 hours of praise. 3 sentences expressing doubt destroy 3 decades of trust. 4 words of anger destroy 40 years of peace. and 5 minutes of thoughtlessness destroy 5 months of thought.

so it is my knew goal to remain intact. to refuse to unravel. to refuse to lose it. to refuse to undo the good that has been done. and instead to keep on doing. to keep on going. to keep on shining. to keep on showing the color that i claim. to keep being consistent. to keep demonstrating my character. and to fight every personal temptation to become undone.

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