April 14, 2012

if you will

"two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and sorry I could not travel both and be one traveler, long I stood and looked down one as far as I could to where it bent in the undergrowth..." the first 5 lines of "the road not taken," robert frost

i had planned my path perfectly. and GOD was blessing it, so i thought it was HIS will. my future job was almost signed, sealed, and delivered. my friendships and connections here in arkansas were dancing a beautiful dance of harmony. and my relationship was secure and continuing just as i had always hoped.

in a span of 48 hours all three changed significantly. some friendships started changing, which is somewhat to be expected, and i didn't really think anything about it or think it was that significant. but then my job situation changed, and i wasn't able to accept it due to its geographic location. and soon i found myself at our little, local coffee shop ending my relationship and wishing for singularity.

i won't go into the details of why all of these things happened in a 2 day period, and i'm not really sure that my why matters. all i know is that these things happened in a 2 day period, and that had never happened before in my life. my plans and path had never totally changed in such a short amount of time, but nevertheless they did. please realize that i am not discounting the goodness of the things that i lost but merely saying that they weren't meant to be mine. almost every tie and connection i had holding me here in arkansas was somehow broken, and the most frustrating part was that it was totally out of my control. there was nothing i could do but to let go and to let GOD.

so i decided to let GOD. and i watched HIM work directly in my life and change up all of my plans. and i learned a valuable lesson: even if you will, GOD's will reigns. GOD is sovereign, and HE knows the plans HE has for us, leading to hope and a future. and as much as i might will something to happen, HE ultimately knows what's best and is ultimately in charge.

i cannot tell you how many times i have delivered the following prayer: "LORD, let YOUR will be done, but if our wills could somehow coordinate perfectly in the fact that they are identically the same, that would be great, too." so many times i have refused to let GOD be sovereign and to listen to what is happening around me. so many times i have ignored the signs and signals and continued with my will even though my gut feeling was telling me that something was not right. and it took very obvious and very significant changes for me to finally wake up and realize what was happening.

i believe that we take the road less traveled in the christian life when we choose to let go and let GOD be sovereign in our lives. it's taken when we wake up and really look and realize that maybe, just maybe, GOD's trying to tell us something. it's when we stop and listen to the things that are being said and done. it's when we stop trying to read GOD's every, little move and allow HIM to make big moves that make our answers obvious and our directions clear. and it's when we surrender our will and let HIS will completely take over.

in the midst of all of my personal change, there have been two predominant emotions that keep reoccurring within me. surprisingly, there really hasn't been any sadness or distrust in GOD's faithfulness. i know that HE is faithful and that HE knows every desire of my heart. and i have faith that HE has a plan of one day allowing some of my will to come true.

more than that, i have genuine contentment about my current state and uncontrollable excitement about what is to come. my contentment comes from realizing that where i am going is exactly where i need to be. i am in the exact state i am supposed to be in right now, not because i believe it, but because GOD does. i am a single, almost 24-year-old woman with a new place, a new job, and a new life just waiting for me. i have nothing tying me down or holding me back, and while i hope one day to be tied and held, i am currently content.

i am unbelievably excited about the fact that the same GOD who allowed so many things to be taken from me and to change in my life knows what is meant for me and what is waiting ahead. HE knows how my story began, and HE knows how it ends. HE is the author and perfecter of my faith, and HE is the author of time. my time is in HIS hands, and HE knows the perfect timing of when my desires are to become my reality. and in changing my path, HE may be allowing those desires to become reality faster than they would have with my measly plan.

GOD loved me enough to give me something better than i have tried to will or create for myself. and while that something is yet to been seen, i know that it is there. that is why i am letting go and listening and being observant of the obvious changes that HE is allowing. and i believe that if we step back, watch, and listen, the road that is to be taken will become clearly defined.

"i shall be telling this with a sigh, somewhere ages and ages hence: two roads diverged in a wood, and i, i took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference." the last 5 lines of "the road not taken," robert frost

1 comment:

  1. Ok, Charissa - there are times that I realize I haven't read some of your postings in awhile. When that happens, I will just randomly click on a posting. Today, this was the posting that I clicked on. It was almost as though God directed me here. These are the words that I needed to hear and be reminded of at this very moment in time. Thanks for your words.