August 15, 2012

this grass

"the grass isn't greener on the other side. the grass is greener where you water it." unknown

never in my life did i ever imagine that i would be here, standing on this grass where i am residing: a single, 24-year-old girl living in a huge city, in texas of all places. carrying out the job that i always dreamed of having. being surrounded by family and by new friends and faces with every new week. and feeling more fulfilled, content, and excited than i have in years.

but as a single, 24-year-old female, sometimes i feel almost pitied for being unattached. for being husbandless. for being "alone." and while i appreciate the sympathy, i can't say that i share the sentiment. while i am so grateful for every individual who is contributing in the search for my significant other, whether by praying for him or by setting me up on blind dates, not having found that man yet in no way makes me feel insignificant. while i do hope to one day say along with song of solomon 3:4 that i have found the one my heart loves, that one and that day have not arrived.

i am finding that satan is just way too crafty. instead of being grateful for the things that we do have and have already received, he tempts us to focus on what we are lacking and "missing." and he allows us to feel entitled to everything, just like he did to adam and eve in the garden. not only does he make us dwell on what we don't have, but he makes us believe that not having something is always bad.

but i have written this before, and i will say it again: i'm learning that sometimes we have to not only be thankful for what GOD has given us but also for what HE hasn't. the truth in the garden of eden is that by sparing adam and eve the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, GOD was ultimately sparing them avoidable and unnecessary death. by wanting to be spared nothing, adam and eve brought death into existence, creating their destruction.

i think of how many terrible and dangerous things we are avoiding when we let GOD take control of and govern our lives. and then i think about how many things we create and bring into existence when we demand to give our input and change our course.

i also think about how satan uses us to make each other feel like we are lacking something. like we aren't complete yet. or that we're missing out. like we aren't good enough. or that we haven't done something right. 

the truth in my life is that GOD has given me everything in CHRIST and that i can do everything through HIM. i am lacking in nothing. i am surrounded by love and get to practice love every day. i am complete, fulfilled, and content with my course. and more than anything, i am completely and 100% attached to the ONE my heart desires most.

i thank GOD every day for what HE is sparing me that i don't even know about and for what HE has already spared me from that i have already seen. i thank GOD for every mistake. for every failure. for every broken bridge. and every broken promise. for every redirection. and every insignificant change that has brought me to this grass. i look back at the almosts and the might-have-beens in my life, and i can't say that i miss a single one or that i feel lacking in any way because GOD didn't intend any of those maybes to be my definites.

my ambition is not to wonder what the grass is like on the other side of the fence but to water the grass that's right here in front of my eyes and under my feet. to not feel ungrateful for the things that i have and to not feel lacking for that which i don't. but instead to thank GOD both for what HE has given and for what i have been spared. and to not only water, but to mow, build a white picket fence around, and frolic barefoot through this grass.