charissa explains it all...

sunday sunshine: lily's disneyland surprise

2012-02-12T17:56:00.000-08:00

sunday sunshine: the mom song

2012-02-05T16:15:00.001-08:00

driving in a fog

2012-02-02T16:00:00.000-08:00

"living without faith is like driving in a fog." unknown

in charissa world, departure time equals 5:50 every monday, wednesday, and friday morning as it takes almost a full hour to drive to the rehabilitation hospital where i am completing my clinicals. let it be known that i am not a morning person, but i am typically wide awake after my hour of coffee, prayer time, and singing and dancing with myself in the car.

most mornings are typical and uneventful as i make my hour-long transition down the interstate and into the land of the living. yesterday morning, however, was a different story as i walked outside my door and into the deepest fog that i've ever seen. it was so thick and dense that i thought for sure that dementors had surrounded my apartment complex. i got into my car, turned on my headlights, and prepared for a long and slow journey.

when i got on the interstate, visibility was about 10 feet, and i began to feel dizzy as i tried to see the white lines and to stay in the right lane. after about 5 minutes i started getting frustrated. i felt like it was hard enough to wake up at 5:00 in the morning and to make this drive, and now of all things there was this thick fog clouding everything around me. and i became so frustrated that i verbally said, "LORD, would YOU please lift the fog?"

i felt completely alone in the middle of the big white cloud that wouldn't let me see ahead or let me know where i was, and i felt totally lost even though i knew exactly where i was intending to go. so being a faithful woman, i believed that surely GOD would answer my prayer, and being an impatient woman i waited a solid 5 minutes for HIM to do so. but after 5 minutes nothing had changed, and i was feeling dizzier and more frustrated than ever.

but right then, in my moment of annoyance and distress, a random truck came up out of nowhere and pulled up beside me. he passed me and then got directly in front of my little car, and the light from his tail lights totally cleared the fog directly in front of me and allowed me to see what was coming and where i was going. the rest of the fog didn't immediately clear, but i was able to continue on my journey safely by the light of my new, fearless guide.

and as i drove the 60 some miles to my destination, i couldn't help but compare my light in the fog to the SPIRIT of GOD. at bible study on wednesday nights we've been talking some about the HOLY SPIRIT and HIS role in our lives. and i think the analogy of driving in the fog is perfect for describing the purpose and action of the SPIRIT that dwells with us every day.

the reality is that GOD allows fog to fall on all of us at different times in our lives (matthew 5:45), and a fog can confuse us and mess up our path even when we know exactly where we are intending to go. we can feel totally lost and alone, even when we felt completely confident and sure of our direction just moments before.

sometimes the fog comes suddenly out of nowhere, and we are highly in tune with and aware of its presence. sometimes the fog develops over time, and it takes other people pointing it out for us to realize what it is. but when it comes, it tends to surround and cover everything around us that we consider precious and dear. it clouds our vision and makes us question who we are and the direction that we thought we knew.

sometimes the fog just won't seem to clear. and sometimes GOD doesn't clear the fog, even when we ask. but HE instead has given us a helper, comforter, and advocate to bring light to our confusion (john 14:16). HE has given us an inner light and guide to help illuminate and direct our path. and whether the fog eventually begins to clear or if the struggle through the fog never ends, the light never changes and is always there, directly in front of us. and if we follow closely, that light will always lead us straight to HIM.

"likewise the SPIRIT helps us in our weakness. for we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the SPIRIT himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. and HE who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the SPIRIT, because the SPIRIT intercedes for the saints according to the will of GOD. and we know that for those who love GOD all things work together for good, for those who are called according to HIS purpose." romans 8:26-28

a spoonful of sugar

2012-01-30T15:11:00.000-08:00

photo source: kabby.net

"nobody likes having salt rubbed into their wounds, even if it is the salt of the earth." rebecca west

it was my first ever cheesecake, reese's peanut butter, and it had to be perfect because it was intended for a former boyfriend and his family. i had decided to unleash my inner betty crocker and to make it completely from scratch. i melted down the reese's peanut butter chips. i softened the cream cheese. i lightly beat those eggs. and then i dumped the sugar in...only to suddenly be overcome with a baker's worst fear: did i just use salt when i should have used sugar?

i immediately took my spoon and got a little of whatever i just dumped in and put it in my mouth...only to be relieved by the fact that it had been sugar. but the situation couldn't help but cause me to think about how many times i use salt when i should be using sugar in everyday life.

i'll admit it. i'm a huge people watcher. i could sit in a starbucks all day long with an IV drip of iced caramel apple spice and be perfectly content in watching people as they interact. and in my lifelong career as a human observer, i have made several observations and come to several conclusions.

my most recent observation is that 2 people can say the exact same thing in 2 different ways, and 1 will be totally accepted and appreciated while the other will be totally rejected and despised. and the positive one ALWAYS wins.

one mom says to her child, "you won't get to go outside and play unless you finish all of your chores," while another says, "as soon as you finish these chores, you get to go outside and play!" one teacher says to his class, "if you fail to come to class, you will lose points," while another says, "you will receive points for every day that you come to class." i've found that anything can be said with a positive twist, and the difference between the statements that essentially say the exact same thing makes all of the difference. it's all a matter of knowing when to use sugar instead of salt.

i've also noticed that too much salt can make a person bitter. and bitter people can sometimes dump their excess salt on other people's wounds without even realizing it. when someone is overly consumed with feelings of criticism or unrealistic expectations of perfection, that person begins to become overtaken with bitterness that can't help but overflow and touch the people with whom he or she comes in contact. the salt then touches the wounds of others, causing them to sting and to burn. people's hearts then start to close, and they tend to start drifting further and further away from the salt shaker.

now i'm not discounting salt. there's no denying that as christians we are supposed to become like salt and are supposed to make every attempt to keep up our flavor. and sometimes a good sting of salt is exactly what is needed to correct and to heal. but i believe that sometimes the difference between being effective and having the impact that we want with other people is knowing when to use salt and when to use sugar. just because we choose to take things with a grain of salt doesn't mean that we have to go crazy with the whole shaker. and sometimes we have to give and realize that it's only a spoonful of sugar that will actually make the medicine go down.

"you are the salt of the earth. but if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again?" matthew 5:13

"instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, CHRIST." ephesians 4:15

sunday sunshine: zoei toh

2012-01-22T09:49:00.000-08:00

the word of the week: romans 12:17-21

2012-01-17T19:38:00.000-08:00

as i have been reading the bible over the past few weeks, i have encountered some challenging scriptures that really cause me to think and to question how i behave on a daily basis. because i find these so fascinating, i've decided to start a new series of posts entitled "the word of the week" which will be about the part of GOD'S word that i'm chewing on and that is really turning on the light bulbs in my head at that particular moment. so without further ado, here is my first ever word of the week.

"do not repay anyone evil for evil. be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. if it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for GOD’S wrath, for it is written: 'it is MINE to avenge; I will repay,' says the LORD. on the contrary: 'if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. in doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.' do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." romans 12:17-21

for a whole handful of reasons, this is the passage of scripture that i keep being drawn to this week. in dealing with people and relationships, in trying to determine the right things to do, in trying to anticipate and prevent future controversies, time after time my handy dandy concordance has led me right here.

these particular verses have always frustrated the fire out of me for 2 reasons: 1) there are many little parts to try to get a handle on and 2) every fiber of my human nature wants to break each of them.

i wouldn't say that i am quick to become angry, but i am definitely not slow to speak. i know myself very well and generally know my feelings about things. i am not typically a spiteful or vengeful person, but i have a tendency to form my opinions quickly and to feel passionately. but instead of becoming angry or speaking quickly, i want to learn how to calmly repay evil with goodness, righteousness, and mercy. and as much as i want to treat someone kindly, ignoring the whole idea of heaping burning coals over his or her head, the idea of heaping that stuff in my little human mind is pretty appealing.

i've always loved the quote that says, "smile. it confuses people." i love it because i believe that there is nothing more confusing or perplexing than shooting your enemy a big, genuine, happy smile. i believe being kind to someone who has mistreated you is vengeance within itself. while i do believe our intentions and motivations need to be pure, i also believe that GOD gave us the gift of kindness to maybe mix things up a bit and to astound some folks.

hardly anything is more satisfying to me than paying someone a genuine compliment to his or her face after he or she has just said something about me behind my back. little else is as rewarding as being encouraging and uplifting someone who has felt threatened or unsure by something i've done. and i believe that returning evil with goodness is a form of satisfaction for the mistreated and a form of accountability for the mistreater.

the part in this passage that keeps drawing me in deeper and deeper is the line saying, "as far as it depends on you." that right there is a bold statement, especially realizing that we as humans tend to fight in order to get what we want and that we can tend to take things pretty far in order to get them or to prove a point. i'm not sure i've ever pursued peace as far as it depends on me, and it causes me to really question my intentions, efforts, and interactions in really getting on the same page with other people.

and then there's that line that says, "be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone." zoinks! what a crazy concept! thinking about everyone's different code of ethics and morals is mind-boggling to me, and thinking about striving to do what is right in all of those different pairs of eyes is downright overwhelming. but i believe that if we at least strive for this goal that we will please more eyeballs than we even realize and ultimately will please the EYES that matter most.

i believe that love must be sincere and that if we are fake we are immediately ineffective. but i believe if we genuinely can practice what these scriptures say that we will have more influence on other people and will not only please GOD and those other people but that we might just be pleasantly surprised with ourselves.

12 for '12

2012-01-09T14:28:00.000-08:00

"and what does the LORD require of you? to act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your GOD." micah 6:8

i always love new years as they offer opportunities for fresh perspective, fresh insight, and fresh reevaluation. i love looking back on the previous year: reliving the high points, determining the low points, and analyzing what decisions, behaviors, habits, and attitudes allowed both to occur and figuring out the difference between the highs and the lows. this past year was wonderful in so many ways: i tackled the hardest semesters of my graduate program, i got to live and work in zambia, and i met important people that will change the course of my life forever. but as i reevaluate my life and my path, i notice some common themes and realize some important goals for which i want to be striving in this next, fresh, new year, and therefore i'd like to share with you my 12 for '12.

pursue JESUS. some might consider this a typical, cliché resolution for a christian at the beginning of a new year. each year we christians make goals to read our bibles more or to pray regularly, and we become very discouraged when we fail to initiate and follow through with our determined plans. but this goal is different for me than a scheduled reading plan or a specific checklist to carry out. because the truth is that i can't remember a time that i've pursued JESUS like a potential job. a potential boyfriend. a potential grade. a potential fill-in-the-blank. i cannot remember a time when i was truly hungry for GOD'S word and craved it like a whopper jr. value meal. i can't remember a time when my every thought and word was motivated by my feelings and love for JESUS CHRIST, and that truth scares me. therefore, i'm stepping out of my lukewarm bathwater and putting the heat and fire back into my relationship with JESUS. i want HIM to feel pursued like i'm a lovesick girl who has HIS picture hanging all over my locker and who cannot stop talking about HIM to all of her friends. i want to give HIM the same gift HE'S given me: undivided attention, unending grace, and unyielding pursuit.

let go. i can hardly write about this one without smiling and laughing because of all of my failed attempts to be crowned the queen of control. with the lethal combination of my planner, my organization, and all of my other type A/OCD idiosyncrasies, there simply isn't enough time or security for me to be able to let go and to trust. i am so thankful to GOD for sending me a boyfriend who is so encouraging and who reminds me on a daily basis that GOD loves me and that HE is ultimately in control. and i am learning the relief that comes by making my requests and worries known to GOD first instead of immediately feeling anxious about them. i want to learn to lean more, letting go of the railing that my hands are so fiercely clenched to and setting myself free to learn how to follow.

pray for peace. and that being said, i want to start truly praying for peace. not just peace for the world and for GOD'S people, but personal peace as i realize that doubt, worry, and anxiety only lead to ineffectiveness and weakness. i want to seek peace with myself, learning to breathe, to let go, and to fully enjoy letting others realize the joy and hope that i've found that can only be seen by demonstrating trust and reliance.

put people first. as simple as this seems, it is something that i fail to do regularly. i get so overwhelmed with whatever i'm doing or hoping to achieve that i forget the people around me. i forget that sometimes my worries are minimal compared to those of others, and i don't realize how selfish it can appear to get caught up and lost in my own desires which in reality are merely preferences. i want to remember that life is about people and relationships and that selfishness destroys those relationships and their potential influences.

only encourage. to be completely honest, it is so easy for me to gossip without even realizing it and then to justify it the minute that i know better. one person really needs our prayers, so naturally i share the request. i feel sorry that another person made a certain choice and ask if he or she is alright. i seek to know what happened to someone else, but all of these examples cause me to consider my motivation and intention in learning and sharing such privileged information. do i truly care, or do i enjoy the juice and the dirt? does this person i'm talking to really need to know the information i'm sharing? do i get satisfaction out of another's weakness or struggle? would i say this if the person were in the next room? am i encouraging gossip by sitting in on this conversation and listening? with all of these questions flooding my mind, i want to seek to only encourage and to only speak words that are necessary. sometimes we can't encourage and must instead be honest, but i want to carefully consider the necessity of each word before uttering it and never being able to reclaim it.

bear burdens. for the first time in a long time i am beginning to understand what it's like to bear another's burdens. my boyfriend is allergic to all products made from wheat or dairy and therefore must eliminate them from his diet. as one of his christmas presents, i have volunteered to stick to his diet with him in order to encourage him and to motivate him to stay strong. so together we are eating gluten and dairy free and exercising more, and i must say that it's a fun and exciting challenge that is already making a difference. it's in making this small sacrifice that i realize the gravity of the sacrifice that JESUS made for us. HE allowed himself to become one of us and to be tempted in every way yet was able to do it without sinning. HE continues to carry our weight and to bear our burdens while remaining perfect, patient, and persevering. i want to start bearing little burdens regularly and to lift others up not only with words but also with actual actions and true understanding.

give grace. grace is something that i simply don't understand and cannot wrap my mind around. and in my striving for perfection, i can tend to be severely critical and unyielding. but when i realize just how much grace GOD has given me, it makes me realize that i need to give more grace to others and also to myself. that's not to say that i want to tolerate or accept sin but that i want to open myself to forgiveness and to set my heart free with grace. i love reading about david and knowing that he was a man after GOD'S own heart despite poor choices and sinful ways. not to excuse david or to live a sinful lifestyle totally dependent on grace, but i want to understand that nothing i do will ever be good enough to earn eternity with GOD and that GOD'S love will never change despite what i do or don't. and i want to extend that same understanding to everyone with whom i come in contact.

receive criticism. what helps me grow the most is when another person comes to me and tells me a way in which i can improve in a loving manner. sadly, many people choose to discuss our faults behind our backs instead of coming directly to us the way scripture encourages. i'm telling you now that if you come to me with love and tell me a way in which i can improve to my face instead of discussing it behind my back, i will be thankful for the rest of my life. initially, it makes me very defensive and somewhat sad, but once i choose to accept responsibility and make changes accordingly, i see so much growth and improvement. i choose today to no longer fall victim to playing the victim. i think nothing loses respect more than someone who continually feels victimized and fails to accept responsibility for actions. i want to start welcoming and accepting constructive criticism and learn how to use it in order to refine and improve myself.

seek humility. micah 6:8 is one of my favorite scriptures as i believe it is a simple statement on how to live. one way i need to grow is in learning to walk more humbly. i want to go out of my way to seek humility. i want to be less noticed and let the attention fall somewhere else. i want to be secretive in the good that i do and for the credit to be given to someone else. and i want to ultimately allow my self worth to be totally dependent on what GOD thinks as opposed to what others think of what i do or who i am.

be open to direction. as i am about to complete my graduate degree i realize the countless directions in which i could go. there are natural biases that definitely tempt me to choose certain paths, but i want to be truly open to anywhere GOD might lead. i don't want to ignore opportunities or possibilities, and i want to try to find the direction in which i will be most influential and effective.

eat beef. i mean this one in a figurative and spiritual sense as sometimes i feel like i am surviving on spiritual gerber instead of thriving on a diet of spiritual steak. i'm tired of surviving on baby peaches and baby peas, and i want to become stronger with what i'm putting into my system. i'm tired of forgetting scriptures and the things that i used to know so well growing up as your typical PK (preacher's kid, not point kicker). therefore i am seeking the filet mignon of GOD'S word and seeking to grow deeper in my understanding and knowledge of the bible. i want to challenge myself to memorize scripture and to become more familiar with what i've known all of my life.

get the point. quite honestly many times i feel like i am chasing after the wind and missing the whole point of life. i believe that sometimes we mistake good things for the right things and get carried away and confused with priorities and levels of importance. i really relate to the passage in the screwtape letters that talks about getting so overwhelmed with ourselves and what we are doing that we fail to notice and accomplish the right and important things. i'm tired of letting my goals and ambitions get in the way of relationships and opportunities to put people first. i'm tired of chasing after meaningless things that cloud my view of true priorities and the main point.

the 12 deals of christmas

2011-12-19T18:39:00.000-08:00

"christmas time means laughter, toboggans in the snow, caroling together with faces aglow." kevin mcallister, "home alone 2: lost in new york"

"first we'll make snow angels for two hours, then we'll go ice skating, then we'll eat a whole roll of tollhouse cookiedough as fast as we can, and then we'll snuggle." buddy the elf, "elf"

christmas truly is my favorite time of the year for so many reasons. i love the time with my family and the countless opportunities to watch every incredible christmas movie in our pajamas. i love making snack mix with my mom and drinking egg nog like it's going out of style. i love caroling with my family at different people's houses and wearing tacky christmas sweaters and jingle bell earrings. i love dressing as a charissamas tree, wrapping my entire body in lights, and plugging into random outlets, with my trusted extension cord on hand.

and while christmas time means all of these wonderful things to me, it also means having a time to refresh and reorganize in order to get motivated for the new year. i love having time to get little things accomplished in order to live simpler and easier after the holiday is over. i love having time to get on pinterest and find fun inventions and ideas for everyday improvements, and with that being said, i have discovered 12 ideas through my perusing that i am implementing during this holiday season in order to live a little easier and cheaper in the upcoming year.

so in honor of the holiday season and for the sweet love of pinterest, i give you the 12 deals of christmas:

1) clean scratched CDs and DVDs with toothpaste. i did this this afternoon, and it worked like a charm! take non-gel toothpaste, put a dot of it on the back of a CD or DVD, rub it horizontally with a washcloth, and rinse with cold water. it removes the scratches and prevents the CD/DVD from skipping.

2) combine used candles into one, large candle. take old, burnt candles and melt them completely with a candle warmer or in a pot of boiling water. get candle wicks from the craft store of your choice and glass jars. place the wick in the jar and pour the melted candles, creating layers of your favorite scents. one trick to make sure that the wick doesn't fall in is to wrap it around a popsicle stick and place the stick across the top of the jar. cut the wick and burn, baby, burn!

3) ice-proof windshields with vinegar. make a concoction of 2/3 vinegar and 1/3 water, spray on car windshields and windows the night before a frost, and watch the ice melt away.

4) clean the iron with dryer sheets. set the iron on low, rub it over a dryer sheet, and watch the residue and gunk disappear into the sheet.

5) clean coffee stains with an orange peel. take mugs or cups with coffee or tea stains, lightly salt an orange peel, and gently rub the peel on the area to remove the stains.

6) remove soap scum with a dryer sheet. take a dryer sheet, sprinkle a few drops of water on it, and remove stubborn soap scum on shower glass by scrubbing.

7) remove stickers with a hair dryer. the next time you find a stubborn price tag on the bottom of your purchase, blow it with hot hair from a hair dryer, and watch it come off with ease.

8) brighten laundry loads with lemon juice. as an alternative to bleach, use either 1/4 or 1/2 cup of lemon juice and add it to the laundry load in order to brighten whites.

9) remove permanent marker with rubbing alcohol. eliminate permanent marker stains by putting rubbing alcohol on a cotton ball and rubbing the area. it works especially well on walls and counter tops.

10) freshen the freezer with vanilla. take a cotton pad, soak it with vanilla extract, and wipe the inside of the freezer for a fresh scent and frostbite elimination.

11) clean the coffeemaker with vinegar. i do this regularly! simply run a cycle with vinegar instead of water, stop midway through the cycle and allow to sit, and then let the cycle finish completely. run two cycles with water afterwards to remove any excess vinegar.

12) clean the dishwasher with lemonade kool-aid. make sure the dishwasher is empty, pour a complete packet of lemonade kool-aid into the detergent cup, and run it normally. watch stains like iron and lime deposits disappear!

baby beluga

2011-12-12T13:22:00.000-08:00

"we ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. but the ocean would be less because of that missing drop." mother teresa

"you might be a big fish in a little pond, doesn't mean you've won, cause along may come a bigger one." coldplay

"what is your life? for you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes." james 4:14

the only way to explain my life for the past few months is that i have just taken a ride on the craziest rollercoaster i have yet experienced in my short, little time here on this earth. at the moment i am currently sitting in the car of the rollercoaster as it is just now starting to slow down and come to a stop. a series of big life changes all decided to take place in the busiest and most challenging semester of my academic career starting from the very first week of classes, and i was forced to hold onto the lap bar and pray and trust that i wouldn't fly out.

and i am extremely pleased to say that i remained securely in my car with minimal whiplash. despite some heartache, serious stress, and borderline serious illness, there was much joy, many improvements, and many excitements in the changes that took place. and while this semester has had its definite struggles, i believe that we are improved through challenge. i have felt my heart and self being refined like silver and chiseled through adversity and trial. i have seen myself grow and learn the true lessons of life and find a new joy and happiness in living that i didn't know before.

and with that being said, i would like to share with you the greatest lesson that i have learned through my endless pursuit of the acquisition of knowledge. it's a dichotomy created by the wisdom of mother teresa, the lyrics of coldplay and raffi, and the book of james, and i believe it is the perfect blend of irony and incongruity as i learn that the more i see, the less i know... because i am a baby beluga swimming in a really deep, blue sea.

while for the past few years i have written this blog affectionately known as "charissa explains it all," i want it to be known that the name is merely the result of a popular tv show and that in reality i don't even know 14.28% of it all. and as i continue studying and eating and sleeping pure knowledge, i continue learning how little i actually, indeed know.

and i write this today because i believe that the greatest struggle of my generation is the fact that we think that we already have all of the answers and believe that we are great white sharks residing in very itsy-bitsy ponds. when we are already assured and secured in ourselves and our "greatness," we close ourselves to knowledge, truth, and ultimately grace.

i read the condescension expressed all over facebook as some young people call out those sinners, unable to recognize and acknowledge our own sin. when we claim to be sinless, we make ourselves into liars and make ourselves useless in the eyes of the sinful. i see the way we exclude ourselves from older generations and isolate ourselves from older people in worship. we question the authority and knowledge of our parents, our professors, and our superiors as we delight in realizing the truth that they obviously are not smart enough to see. and i see the way that we become inflated and buttered up as a result of our ever-increasing knowledge and status as we become known for what we've done and what we do instead of WHOSE we are. and i am here to tell you i have been just as guilty of it as anyone else.

but the greatest gift i could ever receive is the realization that i am a baby beluga in the deep blue sea, and the sea is DEEP. i am a teeny, tiny, baby drop in the ocean, and while i know within my heart that the ocean would be less without that drop, it is nevertheless just a drop. i am a beluga whale in a little pond, but every time i venture off into the larger ocean, i realize just how tiny i am and that much bigger fish exist. ultimately, i am a mist that is here today and then gone. and i am becoming quite content in my tininess, knowing that i may never be able to change the whole world but that i can impact someone's life every day. and i am becoming quite content in my insignificance, knowing that the gifts GOD has given me are here today but won't always remain.

while i write a blog and like to share my thoughts, many of my "wisdoms" are products of my shortcomings and failures. while i may appear to have some things together and to have a sure sense of direction, i can only credit my discoveries to GOD'S direction despite my wandering. and where my pursuit and aim used to be to become a well-renowned speech pathologist known for her writings and expertise, my one pursuit is to grow as a daughter of GOD who knows a thing or two about a mean, ole lateral lisp.

while i hope to accomplish much in my lifetime, i am realizing that i will never stop learning, growing, sinning, and striving. i realize that i will never reach a place where i will sit back and say, "well, i think i've reached a good stopping point." i realize that one day my children will be teaching me truths about life and people that i haven't realized in 40 years of living and that tiny light bulbs will be going on in my head until JESUS returns.

while i hope to be perfect as my FATHER is perfect, i know that it will never be. while i hope to acquire knowledge and become an expert, i know that i will never know enough. while i might hope to be successful or to make a name for myself, i realize that that name will only remain for the length of a mist. and so while realizing and respecting the bigger fish in the pond, i will continue making my little, but not insignificant, mark in the ocean, swimming wild and swimming free as a little white whale on the go.

how to: make a dry erase board

2011-11-25T13:35:00.000-08:00

in the process of packing for an upcoming move, the family and i have uncovered all kinds of hidden treasures. the frame above was originally one of those gold, vintage frames from the 90s, and just as i was about to throw it out i got an idea. thanks to pinterest, i decided to paint it a different color and fill the glass with burlap, thereby turning it into a dry erase board for my kitchen. i'm going to use it for prayer requests, recipes, grocery lists, and whatever else i might need it for. it was virtually free and took hardly any time, and now it's an adorable treasure that i will keep for years to come.

sunday sunshine: HIZ-PATH

2011-11-20T14:24:00.000-08:00

source: 1504 pictures

aiming for adequate

2011-11-03T19:23:00.000-07:00

"you can explore the universe looking for somebody who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and you will not find that person anywhere." unknown

"the image of myself which i try to create in my own mind in order that i may love myself is very different from the image which i try to create in the minds of others in order that they may love me.” w.h. auden

it has been far too long since i've been able to write due to surviving what has been the most challenging semester of my existence. but despite these challenges, i have learned some life-changing lessons during the past few months that could only be learned as the result of struggle.

i frequently write about the struggles of other people and the ways in which i see them overcoming those obstacles, but i have never had the courage to share and confront my greatest struggle and weakness in the same way. but that, dear friends, is about to change as i share with you the greatest struggle of my heart: accepting my adequacy.

if you know me at all, you know that i am as A type as they come. i believe that i started feeling the need to take control of my life and to become a perfectionist at about the age of 4. since that time, i have been a tiny, feisty firecracker of a person who aims for perfection and likes to have things done my way, and i have known my own mind and spirit for as long as i can remember.

nothing thrills my soul more than when my shoes, my bag, and my jewelry all coordinate. my planner is on my person at all times. my closet is color-coordinated. my counters are regularly lysoled. i only write with sharpie pens. and i make sure that my handwriting is comparative to a font.

pleasing other people and meeting or even outdoing their expectations revs my engine. making decisions that will make others think i'm spiritual, intelligent, wise, cute, funny...perfect is my greatest aim. sometimes i feel like i have created a fictional character out of myself in my attempt to be the leading lady of my life, and it causes me to question whether that character is a real person.

i love any logical and reasonable type of measurement that marks progress and success in my life, and i measure my personal worth based on achievement. if i take a test, i expect an A+, and that A+ can keep me happy for a week. if i tell a joke, i expect it to be hilarious, but if it didn't receive the intended reaction, i begin to question why it didn't. if i go out for something, i expect to get it, and i can get hung up for weeks trying to figure out what prevented me from getting what i wanted. i want to do the best and to be the best in everything that i do without exception.

and the most puzzling part is that i don't impose any of these standards on anyone else but only on myself. i am pretty open-minded and easily forgiving of the imperfections of other people, and accepting any inadequacies that they might possess is an act of love that i perform happily. but with myself, i create an impossible standard and expectation that no one would ever be able to meet and then am disappointed when i prove to be just like everybody else.

i struggle with the concepts of being perfect just like GOD is perfect (matthew 5:48), not even showing a hint of immorality (ephesians 5:3), being holy and blameless (ephesians 1:4), and letting no unwholesome talk come out of my mouth (ephesians 4:29) while accepting my inadequacies and imperfections and realizing that i will never reach the perfection for which i aim. it is a constant battle and war that i fight internally every day, the struggle between striving for perfection and aiming for adequacy.

my greatest critic, judge, enemy, evaluator, antagonist, and competitor...is myself, but the constant war that i'm fighting is proving to be endless and without a victor. and that is what has made me realize that i have been aiming for the wrong thing. and after a lifetime of striving for perfection, it's time to start aiming for "adequate."

when we aim too hard for perfection, we don't leave any room for grace, and while we should strive to be like CHRIST, nothing we do will ever merit goodness or salvation. when we personally fail, we can't let it be the end of our world, because GOD doesn't make it the end of HIS. HE separates our shortcomings, inadequacies, and imperfections as far as the east is from the west, and we should learn to do the same.

that's not to say that we should only do just enough to get by or that we should try to barely pass instead of fail. but it's only when we start attempting to be adequate that we realize the magnitude of GOD'S gift and perfection. and it's when we take the pressure off and lose the unrealistic expectations that we have set that we accurately see the life that GOD has planned for us, one without fear or question because HIS perfect love drives out the fear.

salvation and redemption are not matters of A+ and A-. eternal life is not earned by a clean record. no record of GOD'S is permanent and unable to be erased. and we must occasionally realize our humanity and issues in order to visualize the true, accurate picture of ourselves and the true, accurate picture of our GOD. and it's only when we truly embrace our adequacy that we can begin to realize our future perfection. therefore, i stand before you, wishing for perfection but aiming for adequate.

sunday sunshine: branden's proposal

2011-10-09T06:18:00.001-07:00

what's in a tweet?

2011-10-08T20:54:00.000-07:00

"words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it." albus dumbledore

a few nights ago i received an excited call from one of my best guy friends. he told me the following story and gave me permission to share it with all of you.

my dear friend has an incredible singing voice. he is known for his perfect pitch and claims that the tone of his shower is an e flat. he is frequently asked to lead singing in chapel here at school, and he was leading singing when an unthinkable and completely modern situation presented itself.

with the invention of the twitter and the hashtag came the invention of the #chapeltweet. a #chapeltweet is meant for students to comment on the chapel presentation that they are experiencing. someone will make a comment on twitter and end the sentence with #chapeltweet, and twitter will keep a running inventory of the discussion at hand. some tend to be very positive and encouraging and comment on how uplifting the presentation or worship is, but sadly on this day that my friend was leading singing, a horrible tweet was shared with the world.

in a moment of thoughtlessness and poor judgment, another young man, who professes on both his facebook page and his twitter account to love GOD with all of his heart and for his life to be all about HIM, wrote a terrible tweet about my friend who was leading singing. he suggested that my friend's "secret sin" was becoming obvious and evident to everyone while he was leading singing by the way that he acted and conducted himself.

at this point during his story, i could not figure out why my friend was excited. by logging into twitter he had uncovered this apparent and awful judgment call yet didn't seem distraught or broken by it. and that's when he told me how he had decided to handle it.

instead of ignoring it or brushing it off. instead of taking it to a counselor. instead of sharing it with 100 of his friends and talking badly about the guy in return, my friend took the matthew 18 approach and found out the guy's name. he then looked up his room number on campus and marched right up to it and knocked on the door. and the guy answered.

i won't sugarcoat the story, my friend told the guy like it was. he confronted him in a spirit of love but told him how much the ignorant and thoughtless tweet had hurt him. he shared with him that it was comments like that that had made him decide to drop out of high school and get his GED. he shared his life story of abuse and foster care that made him the man that he is today. he told him that the term "secret sin" was inappropriate as his struggles were secrets to no one and that he shares his burdens freely. and then he talked with the guy about the guy's own struggles and suggested that we all need encouragement and words that lift us up.

by the time that my friend finished, the guy was weeping like a baby. he opened up about his own struggles and the image of perfection that he tries to create. he apologized for his thoughtlessness and ignorance and couldn't believe what he had done. he told my friend that he was the most encouraging person he had ever met, and they exchanged contact information. and a week later my friend received a text that said, "we had a time of quiet prayer in our bible class today, and i spent it praying for you."

this story brought me to tears and truly impacted my life as i thought of the countless words that i say all of the time without tasting them or giving them thought. just like my friend dumbledore said, words either have the power to inflict injury or remedy it, but we tend to inflict injury carelessly and needlessly without giving thought to the power that we have.

i thought about every word that i speak out of anger. out of selfishness. out of pride. out of thoughtlessness. out of ignorance. out of judgment. out of jealousy. out of sheer stupidity that has the power to injure and destroy, and i asked myself what life would be like if every word in turn was said only to remedy and heal.

to tweet or not to tweet? that is the question. what if every blog post. every facebook status. every little tweet. every conversation. every sentence. every word. every whisper. every secret was only meant to build up and encourage and truly reflected the "about me" section of our lives? how would people respond to compliments and encouragement? to acknowledgment and uplifting? to praise and edification?

it's stories like these that make me realize that we can only begin to change ourselves, each other, and the world when we realize and embrace the power of a tweet.

"if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. if he listens to you, you have gained your brother." matthew 18:15

sunday sunshine: you is important

2011-10-02T15:28:00.001-07:00

the secret life

2011-09-28T22:00:00.001-07:00

"love is not a feeling. it's an ability." marty, "dan in real life"

ever since i was a little girl i have always wanted to be a superhero. while most little girls dreamed of being kimberly, the pink power ranger, i had much bigger aspirations and tried to model my life after raphael, the teenage mutant ninja turtle. and after spending almost every saturday morning with the turtles and captain planet, i truly wanted to make a difference in the world.

as i got older, my interest moved from playing the role of the rescuer to totally owning the role of the rescued. lois lane captivated my complete envy and admiration, and i wanted to be saved by superman with every fiber of my tiny being. so that being said, i would create desperate situations as a 6-year-old, which would result in a heroic rescuing. before i became an effective swimmer, i distinctly remember paddling to the deep end of the pool in a little, inflatable raft and dramatically throwing my body into the water right in front of an older, handsome boy, completely trusting that his dashing good looks and floaties would somehow preserve my life.

but my favorite characteristic of superheroes was the enigmatic mystery of their secret life. i was always amazed at how they were able to keep their identities a conundrum to the common man and that even their best friends were unaware of their incredible abilities. i admired that they chose their actions because they were right even when the choice was difficult or disagreeable. and what i adored the most was that they never sought credit or acted out of selfish ambition but loved in the absence of recognition.

and their secret life makes me think of my own life and makes me question the intentions and motives behind my actions. as human beings, none of us tend to be too qualified in keeping quiet or keeping secrets. when we do good things, it is so easy to try to ensure that others see them and notice them in order to think that we are good people. we want our love to be seen and acknowledged in order to establish our own personal status of holiness. almost every action of our lives is designed for either a facebook album or status, and i wonder how many of our good decisions are inspired by the recognition and attention that they will give us in return.

we are people who seem to no longer pray in secret but want to appear to everyone else that we communicate with GOD every day. we are walking, whitewashed tombs, appearing so flawless and together outwardly but decaying within. we choose to love either those who will love us in return or those whom it will be most beneficial and admirable to love. we have created our own definitions and measures of spirituality based on the deeds that we see, despite our left hand's need to remain in a state of oblivion.

but i wonder what would happen if we began to view love as a super-heroic ability to be done in secret without recognition. what if every action we took was never to be noticed by anyone else? what if we loved without ever disclosing our identities? what if the good things others heard about us were to only come from the lips of other people instead of our own? what if every deed we did was solely to uphold righteousness? what if we prayed in the closet and loved in secret at the risk of being a little less spiritual? what if we truly loved our enemies or those who wouldn't love us in return?

therefore my new ambition starting today is to be the peter parker, the bruce wayne, the clark kent, the steve rogers, the tony stark of love. to treat the act of loving like a super-heroic ability to be done without notice or attachment of my good name. to keep abilities and potential securely fastened underneath an ironed, buttoned-up shirt and to wear a nerdy pair of glasses to throw people off.

to love without agenda and without intent of recognition or praise. to love regardless of feeling and to love everyone with the same amount of significance. to love regardless of what someone has done or hasn't done for me in return. and to love those who will never be able to return it.

to love without expectation and with no hope of reciprocation. to treat everyone the way that i would like to be treated without demanding the same treatment in return. to love righteously. to love equally. to love wholeheartedly.

to be an enigma. to pray in the closet. to love in the dark. to no longer live life as a whitewashed tomb. to act without fear or inhibition. to love regardless of spirituality or feigned holiness.

to live the secret life.

sunday sunshine: never too late

2011-09-25T18:13:00.000-07:00

this morning in worship i heard a story that put a smile on my face and gave me hope. 78-year-old margaret cooke found herself in a unique position that nobody else had ever been in before. for over 50 years years she had prayed and waited patiently for one specific thing: for her mother to decide to follow JESUS.

margaret had made sure to never force her mother into making the decision but instead had just faithfully prayed for a change in her heart. and at 108 years of age, lula wallace finally decided to follow JESUS and to be baptized for the remission of her sins. margaret was so exited that she couldn't sleep for days thinking that the confession had just been a dream.

and just 5 months before her 109th birthday, 22 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, and 20 great-great-grandchildren celebrated the new birth of their great-great, great, and regular grandmother and new sister in CHRIST, proving that we are never too old and it is never too late to be brought to JESUS.

how to: make oreo cheesecake

2011-09-23T20:37:00.000-07:00

when it comes to baking, my new specialty is the cheesecake. ever since i baked my first one this summer, i have found a new appreciation and love for the perfect blend of philadelphia cream cheese, sugar, vanilla extract, and whatever ingredient sets it apart and makes it what it is. i have also found that a good cheesecake is the perfect gift and can totally change the whole direction of a day and potentially the course of someone's life. so without further ado, here is how to create the oreo cheesecake like the one i made today, pictured above.

what you need:

● 10 oreo cookies
● 3 packages of philadelphia cream cheese
● 3 eggs
● 1 nabisco oreo pie crust
● 3/4 cup of sugar
● 1 teaspoon of vanilla extract

what you do:

1) heat the oven to 350 degrees F.
2) place 10 oreo cookies in a plastic bag and seal it. roll a rolling pin across the bag to finely crush the cookies or bang them with a hammer to relieve some stress.
3) put the cream cheese, sugar, and vanilla extract into a large bowl and begin beating it with an electric mixer until it's smoothly blended. add the eggs 1 at a time and make sure that the mixture is smooth and even after each addition.
4) gently stir half of the crushed cookies into the marvelous creation and pour it over the oreo pie crust.
5) decorate the top with the remaining crushed oreos. go crazy if you need to.
6) bake for 35 minutes or until the center is almost done (if you poke it with a toothpick, it should come out almost completely clear).
7) let it cool and refrigerate it for 3 hours or overnight.
8) eat and enjoy and share with all your friends!

sunday sunshine: webcam 101

2011-09-18T21:21:00.000-07:00

the closed door

2011-09-17T14:35:00.000-07:00

(picture source: pixdaus)

"when one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us." helen keller

there are many characters from books and movies that i can relate to and identify with, and one of those characters is maria from "the sound of music." i'm pretty sure i have the ability to outpester any pest and to drive a hornet from its nest, and i'm sure that i've been referred to as a flibbertijibbet a time or two, but more than anything, i understand the desire to look for the open window after GOD has closed a door.

i'm a planner. i'm a fixer. i'm a doer. and i like to make things happen, especially in my own life. and so the minute a door closes in my life, i tend to start scanning the room, determined to discover the perfect and suitable window that is even better than the door. but as i'm getting older and as different doors of my life have closed and are closing, i'm learning a profound and different truth:

sometimes GOD's gift is not the next open window; sometimes the gift is the closed door.

i've heard it said that "there are two ways of being unhappy: one is not getting what you want, and the other is getting what you want," and i believe it to be true. as humans, we just can't seem to find a steady state of contentment. sometimes we don't get the very thing we wanted, only to be disappointed and upset. other times we get exactly what we wanted, only for our minds to change as soon as we get it. and sometimes we just simply don't know what we want. but in our constant state of restless wandering, running through all kinds of different doors and windows, GOD does us such a huge favor by closing the doors and providing us some direction.

sometimes the door that we thought would open to a big, bright room of possibility is in reality a door only leading to a closet, going nowhere and ending with a wall. sometimes we realize that the big, strong oak door that we admired for so long from far away is in reality nothing but faux wood after taking a closer look. and sometimes when GOD closes the door, keeping us from what we want, HE is preparing the path that will lead us to what we need.

the truth is that we never know what GOD is actually sparing us by closing the door, and hindsight usually is 20/20. whether it's only a few weeks later or a couple of years, it's usually only a matter of time before we're shouting a "thank YOU, LORD," for protecting us from that! and that's because GOD in his greatness already knows our plans. HE is greater than our hearts. and as much as we might complain and truly hurt over the closing of the door, HE knows that by providing the closure, HE is providing protection from getting trapped in the wrong room.

and even worse than an obviously closed door is a door that leaves us wondering whether it is really closed or if it might still be open. and we wait and wait, hoping that there is some chance that it will still be cracked and might miraculously swing back open instead of finding the bright and apparent window in the middle of the room leading us to our freedom.

but when it comes to finding the open window, reading GOD can be tricky. because the same GOD that led us to the closed door is now leading us to the window that might end up doing the same thing. sometimes the open window seems to become apparent immediately. and other times we have to be careful to make sure that the window is in fact open and not just really, really clean.

but every closed door prepares us for the open window to come. every wrong turn. every broken lock. every funky knob is telling us that that particular door is not our door and to keep searching. whether it be the loss of a job. or the loss of a relationship. whether it be a sudden change in circumstances. or a sudden change of heart. whether it be the rejection of a new future. or the rejection because of a former past. whether it be the betrayal of a friend. or the betrayal of yourself, every closed door, whether it be suddenly slammed or gently shut, is just leading to the right window.

and sometimes instead of immediately looking for the next open window, we need to just take a moment to breathe and to thank GOD for graciously shutting the door. to take a moment of silence. to do a dance of victory. to shout a long hallelujer! to rejoice and be glad because GOD gave us a gift by closing the door. and when we think about the magnitude of GOD knowing us and loving us enough to give us the desires of our hearts and yet to protect them at the same time, we must feel confident in HIS closure.

so today i choose to praise GOD for all of the things that i will never even realize that HE is sparing me from: the heartaches, the struggles, the fears, the anxieties, the troubles, and the problems of choosing the wrong way. and every day when i pray for the clarity to discover the open window, i will try to remember to thank GOD for the closed door.

sunday sunshine: 9/11 tribute

2011-09-11T19:39:00.000-07:00

today on the 10th anniversary of september 11th, i can't help thinking about my own father who worked in tower 1 of the world trade center in the 1980s. i can't imagine what my life would have been like if he were still working there in 2001. this video appeals to me for that reason, and i can't help crying every time i watch it. GOD bless america and all of the families who lost their loved ones!

the bite

2011-09-09T18:22:00.000-07:00

"no man for any considerable period can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true." nathanial hawthorne, the scarlet letter

you are 7 years old, and you just don't know how it happened. you wore long pants and a long-sleeved shirt. you put the netting over your bed. you sprayed yourself with all of the right stuff. but somehow the mosquito still got you.

you didn't notice it at first, but while you were going about your day minding your 1st-grade business, something rubbed up against your arm. and for the first time you began to feel the itch. and as a 7-year-old, you realize that you have a mosquito bite, and you look at your arm in annoyance as you can't figure out how in the world you got that bite when you took every precaution so that you wouldn't.

and now that you've felt the itch, you can't think about anything else. but at this point in your life, your mama has established that you are to never scratch a mosquito bite because it could become infected. and so you try to go about the rest of your day normally, thinking about everything BUT the fact that the only thing you want to do is scratch your arm. but as much as you try to avoid the existence and irritation of your little bite, it's the only thing that you can think about.

you realize, though, that if you scratch it, it will turn red and irritated just like your mama said, and it will then become evident to all your fellow 1st graders that you did in fact get bitten by a mosquito and that you are in fact the proud owner of a bite. and in your 7-year-old mind, the idea of your friends knowing that you got bitten by a tiny, little mosquito would be just plain embarrassing, and the thought of eventually having a giant, red spot on your arm is completely mortifying. so in an effort to hide a potential wound, you decide to keep your mosquito bite a secret.

so you continue through your day, busying yourself with your amelia bedelia book. you pull your sleeves down so that no one will notice your little bump and so that you won't think about it anymore. and hours may pass where you completely forget that the mosquito bite is there. but then, when you least expect it, something rubs up against your arm again, and that quick and brief satisfaction brings about a sweet and sour relief.

and you start thinking about the bite. you look around to make sure nobody else is watching, and you take your hand and gently start to rub it. and you slowly begin to justify your action. rubbing it won't hurt it, right? mom didn't say you couldn't rub it. she said you couldn't scratch it. barely touching it won't break it or infect it. it's safe to make it just a little better.

until rubbing it isn't enough. so then you take your finger and start lightly scratching all around it. but you're not scratching it directly, so it won't hurt anything, right? mom didn't say you couldn't scratch around it. she just said you couldn't scratch it. you can scratch around it for a long time before there's really any problem.

until you soon just can't take it anymore, and in a moment of weakness, you completely succumb to the itch. using all of your fingernails, you scratch and scratch until you feel complete but temporary relief. you smile at the satisfaction until you feel something moving down your arm.

you look down, and you are bleeding. and you look up, and everyone else has realized that you're bleeding, too. little susie faints at the site of the blood. little daniel thinks it's the coolest thing he's ever seen. and soon 19 other 7 year olds plus your teacher are surrounding your arm. the mosquito bite that was once only a tiny bump that you hoped to hide from everyone else is now a red and gross wound that everyone else can't help but notice.

the teacher sends someone to get you a band-aid. someone else runs to get you some neosporin. but the truth is that as much as people offer to help you now, you've already broken the skin and created a wound. and in creating a wound, you've created damage that will be much harder to heal than if you had never scratched. and you've created a cycle of itching and scratching that will continue until you decide to scratch no more.

because the truth that you've just learned about mosquito bites is that once you scratch, it will continue to itch until it heals. and the only way for it to heal is to no longer scratch.

and so it is with our sin. we can't explain why we have the struggles that we do. we may have even taken precautions not to have them. they may all be the results of our circumstances or the choices made by the other people in our lives. but for whatever reason, one day that sensitive spot is rubbed, and they are then brought to our awareness.

and once we feel that itch, we realize that we do in fact have a mosquito bite, and it begins to feel impossible not to scratch. but in our humanity and immaturity, we are so ashamed of our struggles, that we don't want to reveal to anyone else that they exist. in some cases our struggles would be so mortifying and disgusting to others, that we dare not reveal them for fear of losing those relationships. so we roll down our sleeves and pretend that they're not there. and not only do we fool everyone around us, but sometimes we fool ourselves into thinking that they really aren't an issue. that there really isn't problem. that it's already gotten better. or that time and distraction will heal it for us.

but then it happens. something rubs that spot again, bringing the sensation back to our awareness. and while we know we really shouldn't scratch it, the temporary relief just feels so good that we just can't seem to ignore it. and we start making excuses and justifications to let ourselves rub it, scratch around it, and eventually fully give into it.

but when it comes to our sin and our struggles, we make the mistake when we don't let others know about the bite. when we keep our sin and struggles secret, we run the same risk as arthur dimmesdale in the scarlet letter: we allow the sin to eat at us from the inside out, and in carrying the burden of our dirt and filth alone, we fall victim to all of its effects. the faint itch wears on us daily with no one there to help encourage us not to scratch. with no one there to give us a band-aid to cover and protect the bump. with no one there to give us the anti-itch cream to relieve our temptation.

when we face our sins alone, we don't allow our relationships to progress for fear that the secret will be exposed or because our secret holds us back. we are so ashamed of our ugliness and hideousness that we would do just about anything to keep it from becoming exposed. but the truth is that until we expose our mosquito bites, we just create a cycle of itching and scratching that will continue until we decide to scratch no more. because once we scratch the bite, it will continue to itch until it heals. and the only way for it to heal is to no longer scratch.

the truth about our struggles is that we won't overcome them if we succumb to them. and we will succumb to them if we don't allow GOD and one another to help us overcome them. the bites will not heal with time but only by the healing hand of GOD, and we have to be there for each other in order not to scratch until we are healed. because if we are allowed to rub and scratch around our struggles with no one watching, we will never be able to overcome our sin.

the truth is that every one of us has our own mosquito bites (romans 3:23). but our bites were meant to be shared (james 5:16), and we are meant to boast in our weakness (2 corinthians 12:9). we were not meant to live a life of secret struggle and sin because just at the right time, our HEALER came with the anti-itch medication, at the very time we were itching the most (romans 5:6). and we are meant to encourage each other not to scratch until we are healed (hebrews 3:13-14). and by exposing our mosquito bites, one to another, and by sharing our struggles and sufferings, we allow ourselves to become more than conquerors (romans 8:37).

can't help falling

2011-09-05T20:31:00.000-07:00

("falling in love" source: designersof)

"don't you love new york in the fall? it makes me wanna buy school supplies. i would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils if i knew your name and address. on the other hand, this not knowing has its charms." joe fox, "you've got mail"

there is something so magical about the fall, and it's that magic that makes it my favorite season. there is something powerful about breathing in fresh, cool air that refreshes your mind and energizes your spirit. and there is something special about all of the little pumpkins and all of the little apples coming together and making your home smell like the garden of heaven.

truth be told, the pumpkin spice latte stands a little taller than the other coffees. apple cider will always be the best cough medicine. and the day where it is finally cold enough to whip out all of your red, orange, and brown clothing along with your favorite scarves and boots is truly the happiest time of the year.

whether it be the fact that the summers keep getting hotter and hotter or that the sweet, cool freshness seems to come later and later, i can't help falling deeper and deeper in love with fall every year. and that being said, there are certain things i buy for my life at this time of the year to amplify the magnificence and the majesty of this wonderful season of change. so i'd like to share with you my favorite fall purchases, with some of the fragrances being new for this year. so i present you my 6 favorite products of fall so that you might fall even further in love like i do.

the 6 products i fall for every time:

1) glade cashmere woods plugins

2) OPI over the taupe & my throne for a cranberry scone nail polish

3) bath & body works warm apple cider lip gloss

4) yankee candle macintosh car gel

5) woodwick pumpkin butter & caramel candles

6) bath & body works orchard leaves & sweet cinnamon pumpkin soap

sunday sunshine: jorge & alexa

2011-09-04T11:35:00.001-07:00

the half-full lemonade

2011-09-03T13:51:00.000-07:00

(picture source: kerwin whitlatch)

confession: i am that person who orders a lemon with my water at every single restaurant and instantly grabs 2 packets of sweet'n low to make free and frugal lemonade. and i am also that person who after drinking half of my creation views the glass as half full instead of half empty.

but recently, life has been handing me lots of lemons but has been forgetting to provide the water and sugar to make the lemonade! and juggling all of these lemons is just not as fun as turning them into something sweet. i am slowly learning that peace is the sweet'n low of life and that having peace turns a lemony glass of water into a glass of contentment. so in my quest for the sweet'n low to make my half-full lemonade, i've found a handful of quotes that are helping to turn my potential bitterness into betterness and to turn my brief period of sour into something truly sweet.

i'm also discovering that the best way to encourage yourself is by encouraging someone else, so in the chance that you need some peace and encouragement, too, i present you with the half-full lemonade:

"peace does not come from finding a lake with no storms. it comes from having JESUS in the boat." john ortberg

"i am only one, but still i am one. i cannot do everything, but still i can do something; and because i cannot do everything, i will not refuse to do something that i can do." helen keller

"each one has to find his peace from within. and peace to be real must be unaffected by outside circumstances." ghandi

"GOD didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but HE did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way." unknown

"we ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. but the ocean would be less because of that missing drop." mother teresa

"i believe in pink. i believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. i believe in kissing, kissing a lot. i believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. i believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. i believe that tomorrow is another day. and i believe in miracles." audrey hepburn

"i do not want the peace which passeth understanding, i want the understanding which bringeth peace." helen keller

"GOD cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from HIMSELF, because it is not there. there is no such thing." c.s. lewis

"peace is a daily, a weekly, a monthly process, gradually changing opinions, slowly eroding old barriers, quietly building new structures." john f. kennedy

"GOD grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change; courage to change the things i can; and wisdom to know the difference. living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; taking, as HE did, this sinful world as it is, not as i would have it; trusting that HE will make all things right if i surrender to HIS will; that i may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with HIM forever in the next. amen." reinhold niebuhr

sunday sunshine: chris medina

2011-08-28T06:34:00.001-07:00

sunday sunshine: do-re-mi flash mob

2011-08-21T20:41:00.000-07:00

flash mob performed by the harding university spring sing ensemble in april 2010. i'm the little girl in the purplish shirt and jeans on the right. :)

the truth about the TSA

2011-08-18T20:37:00.000-07:00

(picture source: burleson consulting)

just 2 weeks ago my whole life changed. it happened in the airport in the small town of billings, montana after my family arrived there at the atrocious hour of 4:30 in the morning. a friend of ours had warned us to get there at least 2 hours before our flight, but upon entering the almost vacant and silent airport, i could not figure out why anyone would need that much time. little did i know that i was about to receive a traumatizing lesson about airport punctuality that i'd never forget.

all was well and right with the world, except for the fact that when anyone tried to talk to me at that hour of the day my only response was to grunt in his or her general direction. all seemed right with the world, that is, until we approached the TSA. the TSA claimed that their initials stood for "transportation security administration," but after witnessing a life-changing, mind-blowing, fear-building, and altogether unholy experience, they came to be known by a different name to me...the "touchers of sensitive areas."

victim #1 was a young man just a few years older than i was who went right ahead of me in the line and kept calling me honey, to which i grunted. he wore skinny jeans with black, fur boots (questionable) and put a lone, black backpack on the conveyer belt (at least it matched his boots). at this point i was practically asleep standing up in the line until suddenly we were put on red alert that his little, black backpack potentially held the atomic bomb. a big red-headed woman which i had affectionately named olga put on her fancy, purple latex gloves and gave that bag the pat-down. and what she discovered in that bag was truly terrifying...a tube of toothpaste consisting of more than 3 ounces. even though the man begged and pleaded for his toothpaste, it was to no avail, and without the slightest bit of remorse olga threw his crest in the trash. but if dear olga was intelligent at all she would have known that raunchy breath can increase cabin pressure and can land a plane much faster than whatever mr. fur boots could conceal in that little tube. and while we mourned together for the loss of his crest, little did we know that we should be rejoicing that while his personal items had been handled his body had remained untouched.

only by grace was i able to pass through security with every form of my personal items unharmed, but unfortunately there were many innocents who weren't so lucky.

victim #2 was a heavier woman in her 60s dressed in a green, full-body sweatsuit. let's be real for a minute: while a coat or a jacket could possibly conceal a potential hazard, this green sweatsuit was incapable of concealing anything, and i mean ANYTHING. it already had all the love that it could handle. but that wasn't enough for olga, and as the poor woman walked through the personal scanner, olga looked over and gave the nod to her fellow touchers, the nod that only meant one thing...time for the frisking. and i watched, at this point fully awake, as the green granny (the chosen one) took the walk of shame, head hung in despair, to meet the patting hands that would bring a whole new definition to the term "security violation."

let us take a brief pause to say that i firmly believe that if you are among the chosen few to be frisked, you should receive a complimentary, clear, plastic baggy filled with 3 ounce bottles of toiletries upon inspection, kind of like if you had won a door prize. no one should become the subject of life-altering trauma without some form of compensation, and then perhaps upon receiving some shower gel you could at least reclaim 3 ounces of your dignity, your purity, and your cleanliness once again.

victim #3 was by far the most tragic and truly almost broke my heart. you can frisk a great many people and get away with it, but there is one group that i believe it is truly sinful to expose to such an ordeal...and that would be the amish. 4 little, precious, amish women all in dresses made of similar fabric approached the conveyer belt. i don't even know what they could have brought to the belt aside from their bibles and their knitting, but for whatever reason olga immediately marked them as potential suspects. had i been a nobler girl, i would have run and protected them like a shield through the terror or taught them the song "stop don't touch me there," but i feared for my own self far too much. the eldest among them was clearly their leader and was a tiny, elderly woman that we'll call nadine. as poor, little, intimidating nadine approached the personal scanner, olga gave the nod, and the touchers went to their designated location. as olga and nadine passed my way, i overheard olga listing all of the sensitive areas that she would be examining. one look at nadine's wide eyes told me that she was already in a state of fervent prayer and that she would be immediately flying home to repent after being touched by the unholy hands. and as the frisking was about to occur, i turned my head and begged my parents to just take me home. and the escalator could not move fast enough to get us all to our gate.

don't get me wrong, i am grateful for airport security, but after traveling a good portion of the world, i have never witnessed such an experience. nor have i ever questioned every item i decided to pack so much. from my brief visit in the billings airport i learned the following lessons: if you are male, never wear skinny jeans and black boots with the fur. if you weren't already going to miss your flight, TSA will make sure that you do. always arrive in plenty of time to be checked. always have a plethora of clear, plastic baggies. always have only 3 ounces of everything. and always be prepared physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually to experience the ultimate form of security violation...the touchers of sensitive areas.

SPECIAL SAFETY NOTICE: i truly appreciate and have been grateful for the TSA on many, many occasions. the only purpose of this post is to entertain and to exaggerate a real-life experience that i witnessed where i felt that the TSA was truly taking their job seriously.

27 dresses

2011-08-16T18:12:00.000-07:00

(picture source: the telegraph)

the process of dating is like shopping for the perfect dress.

you walk into a store with the intent of looking for that potential, little piece of magic that will make you feel like a trillion dollars. it has to make your eyes pop. it has to make you dance in the dressing room. it has to accentuate any possible positives and hide all potential negatives beyond a shadow of a doubt. and let's be honest, it has to make you feel like a natural woman.

and so you set out on your quest. you may not really even be looking, or you may know exactly what you're hoping to find. you may be going dress shopping with a friend only to find the right dress for you that you were never expecting. you may be going with an intent purpose only to leave empty-handed at the end of the search. but the only way of finding that right choice, the one that fits the best, is to begin the process of trying on different types of dresses.

there's the safe dress that could securely lead you through an amish paradise. the neck envelops you like a turtle. the sleeves cover every extent of the form of your elbow. and the dress flows securely to your ankles. but sometimes that super-safe dress leaves you waddling about in the agony of knowing that you'll always be safe, always be the same, and will never venture beyond that paisley frock.

then there's the dress that you know is too radical. you find yourself immediately having to pull it down or having to pull it up. at first glance you thought it was a shirt. you are still trying to convince yourself that the hanger strings are actually the straps. the hem is just too high. the neck is just too low. and it reveals too much information about your curvature to the public. you model that dress in complete discomfort, knowing that you can never walk confidently across a room as yourself.

there's the dress that you think looks good on you but everyone else knows is completely wrong. from the minute you walk out of the dressing room, terror and dislike appear on everyone's faces. either it's too tight or too loose, or it's just not your color or style, but while you try and try to convince everyone that it's the dress for you, everyone knows immediately it's just not the one.

then there's the dress that everyone else thinks is perfect for you but that you know deep down is just not right. the collar is too frilly. the waste is too high. and you are just not yourself with it. but everyone is so determined that it's the one that you start convincing yourself that it just might be. the truth is, however, that that dress has a hole in the lining that only you can feel and no one else can see, and sometimes it's a hole that just can't be fixed and is beyond repair.

there's the dress that you know deep down won't actually fit, but you decide to suck in every extra pound and give it a try. yes, you know the one, and let's not even pretend we haven't all been guilty of trying it. while holding your breath for a solid minute and contorting your body in every possible shape, you put that little sucker on and start doing the boot scootin' boogie to get everything crammed in there. after some major wiggling and adjusting, you manage to get it all tucked in with only minimal risk of accidental exposure. but you soon realize that if you exhale even a little too strongly the zipper will rip, all buttons will burst, all snaps will break, and your snug, little dress will fall apart.

then there's the dress that looks absolutely perfect but comes in a size that's way too big. you love the color. you love the shape. you love the way the dress makes you feel. but there's just something that will have to be fixed in order for you to actually pull it off. it is possible that you can buy this dress, but in order to wear it, there will have to be some alterations and adjustments, and there is risk even then that it just won't work.

but there are several truths that we tend to ignore when shopping for the dress:

a dress that doesn't fit is a success and not a failure. every dress you try that doesn't fit helps you know what to look for in the one that will. if the dress was too tight, you automatically know to start looking for ones a little looser. maybe you weren't the size 2 you believed and really need a size 6. but you will come out successful if you learn through the process what doesn't work and the qualities of what will.

if there is a dress that doesn't fit, the best choice is to just walk away. there is no need to yell at the dress or call it names. there is no reason to slap the dress. there is no need to attempt to make the dress jealous by showing it what it's missing. there is no reason to go all madea on it and to rip it. the best option is to always just kindly and gently place it back on the rack and to move on.

you can't judge a dress by the hanger. that's not to say that you can't instantly tell what some dresses are all about. if you're wondering if that dress is actually a dress or really a shirt, walk away. if you know that that dress's purpose is to accentuate gappage and crackage, run away. but other than that the only way to tell if the dress might work is to try it on, and it might just be the dress that you thought would never look good on you that makes the perfect, unexpected fit.

there won't only be just one dress that fits. the truth is that there could potentially be several that work, but the search will be narrowed down by the pickiness of your specifics. while you were hoping to find the dress you wanted in pink, it might only come in blue, but blue might match even more perfectly with your eyes. but there is not just one dress in the world that will work for you.

there will always be another dress. maybe it's only hanging on a different rack one row away, or maybe it's in a different store. but it's only a matter of finding it, and it only takes a random minute on a random day to discover that new joy. so no matter how many stores you've searched, there will eventually be a dress in your size that fits just right, and it most likely will be found on the day that you were shopping for pants.

there is no hurry to make a purchase. i repeat, there is no hurry to make a purchase! the ticking clock is only ticking in your head. the pressure you feel is only pressure you create. there is no deadline or agenda when it comes to finding that dress. there is no weekend wedding that you have to buy something to wear to. the worst mistake you could make is to buy a dress for the sole purpose of owning one or because your friends are all buying some. time and pressure will only encourage the selection of the wrong choice.

and finding the dress that finally fits makes you forget every dress that didn't. who cares about any of the dresses that didn't work when you finally discover the dress that makes you have that boom boom pow? when you finally wear the one that makes you feel like a creature unlike any other, that makes you win like charlie sheen, that makes your eyes sparkle and gives you the tingles, that makes you feel...like yourself, you forget what any of the other dresses felt like. and whether you chose to discard those other dresses or they nicely let you know they weren't going to fit for you, they get to sit there together on the discarded rack and watch as another brings out your magic.

so whether it just takes 1 dress or 27 dresses, don't give up the search because making just the right purchase will totally be worth the cost.

the insignificant others

2011-08-01T10:43:00.000-07:00

"she wanted something else, something different, something more. passion and romance, perhaps, or maybe quiet conversations in candlelit rooms, or perhaps something as simple as not being second." nicholas sparks, the notebook

many times we allow the value of our lives to be determined by the existence of significant others. suddenly our lives take on new importance when another person or other people define us as that special someone. and we kindly distribute the significance to those around us in return.

our lives become a constant quest for the significant, and we place far too much value on the important things in our lives. our impressions and appeal start being established by whether we walk into a room accompanied by significant arm candy. our success starts being measured by the number of significants who choose to rally around us. our importance starts being defined by how many significant contributions we are making. and we are in a continual state of wonder and concern about the significance of our personal level of significance.

but when it comes to being truly significant or defining the importance and value in our lives, it's the simple things in life that are the most extraordinary. less really is more. the best things in life really are free. and it's the insignificant that truly determines our significance.

it's waking up to another day. and remembering to thank GOD for it. it's being free of sickness. and able to take on the world. it's dancing in the rain. and laughing at our mistakes. it's celebrating in our triumphs. and standing back up after our failures. it's rejoicing in our humanity. while striving for our holiness.

it's showing up 5 minutes earlier. and staying just 15 more minutes. it's the perfect amount of salt in the food. and the extra chocolate chips in the cookies. it's going all out in celebrating your birthday. and your half birthday, too.

it's a phone call. it's a poem. it's a musical card. it's a post-it note reminding you that despite all of your quirks and flaws, you are loved. it's the surprise visit that came out of nowhere. and the flowers just because. it's turning a trip to walmart into a date. and sitting silently in the same room and being perfectly content.

it's someone telling you that your hair looks good on the day that you're certain it's never looked worse. it's receiving your favorite dessert just because it's your favorite. it's finding the sweet spot in the first row of the parking lot. it's your total at target ending in zeros. it's having just the right amount of change for the tollbooth. and making just the right grade to keep your A in the class.

it's the difference between flats and heels. between jeans and khakis. between fat-free and the real stuff. between margarine and butter. between a size L and a size M. between college-ruled and wide-ruled. between a shower and a bath. between a table and a booth. between a monday and a friday. between sweet-n-low and splenda.

it's the difference between weird and unique. between right and just right. between who and whom. between your and you're. between hours and minutes. between days and weeks. between yesterday and today. between yes and no. between acceptance and rejection. between pass and fail. between friends and just friends. between someone and someone special. between nobody and anybody and somebody and everybody.

and the truth is that the difference makes all the difference and that the insignificant others in our lives is what makes our lives significant. so in your own personal quest for the significant other, determine today to never underestimate the power of the insignificant.

summer quotes

2011-07-29T16:09:00.000-07:00

1) "you can never cross the ocean until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore." christopher columbus

2) "it is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities." j.k. rowling

3) "to live is the rarest thing in the world. most people exist, that’s all." oscar wilde

4) "when one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us." helen keller

5) "if you want to be happy, be." leo tolstoy

6) "to be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best day and night to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle any human being can fight; and never stop fighting." e.e. cummings

7) "the hardest part about accepting the saying “everything happens for a reason" is waiting for that reason to come along." unknown

8) "how lucky i am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard." a.a. milne

9) "the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more." erica jong

10) "your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude." zig ziglar

letting go

2011-07-06T14:57:00.000-07:00

"lead me in YOUR truth, and teach me, for YOU are the GOD of my salvation; for YOU i wait all the day long." psalm 25:5

the lessons of GOD are discovered when we least expect them yet right when we need them. whether it's a random conversation with a friend whom you just happened to run into. whether it's a verse you just stumbled upon when opening your bible. whether it's a billboard on the side of the interstate or a commercial that caught your attention, the subliminal messages of GOD are everywhere we look.

yesterday morning i started summer school, an event in which i was not just terribly excited. i went to class expecting to learn all about approaches to research in order to begin my thesis for my capstone project. there was only one word in my mind to describe the amount of reading, researching, and working in my future...disgusting.

if you know me, you know that i like structure. i like independence and doing things on my own time. i like formulating my own, little plan and executing it perfectly into a great big ball of success. and when things go my perfectly-planned, little way, i like to celebrate by letting out a long, verbal "cha-ching" and doing a short but meaningful dance of victory.

but right as i was anticipating my approach for all of this work in front of me and formulating my excellent plan, a stack of cards was placed in front of me on my desk. my professor told me to pick a card, any card, and so out of the stack i picked one, and this is what it read:

"lead me in YOUR truth, and teach me, for YOU are the GOD of my salvation; for YOU i wait all the day long." psalm 25:5..."i can let go and let GOD."

can anybody say "obvious-apparent-and-needed-wake-up-call-from-the-little-index-card-in-the-middle-of-the-stack?" i was instantly covered with chills, realizing once again that i am never in control. that i am never the director or the play-maker. that the best decision i can ever make is to let go.

to follow GOD is to fall freely. to let go and dangle faithfully, knowing that you are securely attached to HIM. to skydive through the unknown knowing that HE'S got your back. and to take the dimly-lit path one step at a time letting HIM be the light.

GOD is the orchestrator of my life, and HIS plan is the only perfect one. HE is constantly bringing my life together for me, completely without need of my assistance or opinion. HIS ways are higher than mine, and they are good and true. and what HE brings together fits together better than anything i could ever try to build.

and so today i choose to let go and to let GOD, freely falling and patiently waiting on HIM.

where YOU lead: no "good" byes

2011-07-02T10:22:00.001-07:00

"saying good-bye to the times we've had is the same as saying hello to the times to come." unknown

my final week in africa was definitely not what i expected it to be. after making it through 5 weeks without losing any of our children, i thought that we were certainly home-free and wouldn't suffer any loss. but to lose a child with 2 days left of our journey and to experience an african funeral on our final day in namwianga were 2 events for which i could never prepare.

andrew's funeral was perfect. typically zambian children are not buried in caskets. usually their bodies are placed in bags, and that bag is placed in the grave to be covered by layers of sticks and dirt. but andrew deserved to be buried in a casket, and he was. they placed the casket on a table, and the african people walked around it, chanting and saying their final goodbyes. and we also walked around it, getting to view the sweet face of our little friend one last time.

we then all moved to the graveyard which is several hundred yards behind the haven. the aunties alternated from singing to wailing, and it was unlike any sound i've ever heard. the power of their cries sent shivers down our spines and brought immediate tears to our eyes. but andrew was then buried in the ground, and his grave was covered with the 3 most appropriate items: flowers, his favorite toy, and an extra-large bag of tomato puffs in his honor.

goodbyes are just never easy, whether they are permanent or only temporary. and i thought i had prepared my heart for my goodbyes. i knew i'd be in africa for 6 weeks and then it would be time to come home and return to normal life. i knew we might lose a child and have to say goodbye to him or her forever. and i knew that i might form a great friendship that would have to be temporarily broken and that it might be hard to bear. but i did not realize the extent of the emotions that i would feel.

saying goodbye to andrew was extremely hard, but saying goodbye to my best friend beatrice was just as difficult. as i was packing to leave i removed my favorite skirt (the one with all of the colorful flowers) from my bag to give to her as a gift. when i gave it to her, our eyes met and in the same moment filled with tears. she told me how much she loved me and how much she would miss me, and her final words to me were, "twalumba maningi"..."thank you very much."

walking the final path home from the haven was a challenge. hearing the cries of our babies as we walked out the door not to return again was indescribable. i didn't know that it was possible to love something that wasn't mine at all as if it absolutely were. i held hamilton in my arms for a solid hour with tears rolling down my cheeks. i sang to him. we talked. he played with my hair. i pushed him in the swing. i lifted him in the air. we took a video. we did all of our usual things, but they just weren't enough.

i drank my fill of africa. i soaked up every second. i made the most of every experience. but there are simply no "good" byes. some byes are permanent. some are temporary. some come after a long time. and others after just a short. some byes are quick. and some are never-ending. some seem necessary. others are completely unwanted. but no matter what type of bye it is, no bye is ever good.

but as hard as my goodbye was, i am choosing to view it as the next hello. a hello to the future. to the times to come. to the next adventure. to returning to africa. to more knowledge. to more experience. to being more prepared for the next hello and more prepared for the next goodbye. and thinking of the next hello gives the next bye a little hope of being good.

where YOU lead: a much bigger lap

2011-06-20T13:24:00.000-07:00

the angels in heaven are eating
tomato-flavored puffs tonight
because of the new, little arrival
that GOD just chose to invite.

the LORD just received a blameless gift,
a perfect person without a hint of sin.
and who could really blame HIM
for wanting a perfect, little person to come on in?

andrew's 3 years of life were harder
than ours might ever be.
and it didn't seem fair that something so perfect
had to suffer from HIV.

from battles with dehydration
to the infection on his skin,
he was born into a battle
that he would never be able to win.

and just a week ago
he sat in our small, little laps,
living his life of tomato puffs,
bath times, and naps.

but he was not meant for this earth,
you could tell by his frown.
and he wasn't going to let anything here
try to keep him down.

he was meant for heaven.
he was meant to fly.
he was meant for perfection.
and so he had to say goodbye.

he was meant to sit
in a much bigger lap
and to be able to play all day
without ever taking a nap.

he was meant for never-ending tomato puffs
and back scratches by the hand of GOD,
so the fact that he had to leave us
isn't really that odd.

and there are no naps in heaven.
there is never ending play
and sitting in a bigger lap
to have your back scratched all day.

there are no feeding tubes in heaven.
there is no such thing as HIV.
nobody needs any oxygen
because being with GOD is how you breathe.

and andrew just needed
a much bigger lap
with infinite tomato puffs
and no need for a nap.

so he went to heaven
desiring to find his need.
and he found the gigantic lap of GOD,
the lap he'll never leave.

and as we cry at our loss,
deep down we all know
that he just went to the bigger lap
where one day we will all go.

and there will be no naps in heaven,
only never ending play
and sitting in a bigger lap
to have our backs scratched all day.

we were meant for heaven.
we were meant to fly.
we were meant for perfection.
we were meant to say goodbye.

where YOU lead: my babies

2011-06-19T05:23:00.001-07:00

bright is my little, wild man. he lives with the older boys at eric’s house and thinks that he owns the place. whenever he sees me, he runs and jumps into my arms for a gigantic hug. he is my church buddy and sits in my lap or beside me every sunday. he likes to dance to the songs, and it is a miracle if we make it through the service without any disruptions. bright was brought to the haven as an infant, and his only remaining relative was his grandfather. his grandfather said that if bright’s HIV tests came back negative, he would take him back home and raise him. it turned out, however, that when it was proven that bright didn’t have HIV, his grandfather never came back for him.

hamilton is my little boyfriend, and we spend a solid hour together every day. he is the most handsome, little man ever, and i love to give him kisses. we were born just 2 days apart and were basically meant to be best friends. i like to dress him as a baseball player whenever i change his diaper. last summer he had failure to thrive and almost lost his life. last night i got the sad news that hamilton has bilateral cataracts and is losing his vision. i cried for a long time realizing that this tiny, beautiful child who almost lost his life is now losing his sight. he will be having surgery in the upcoming weeks hopefully to fix it, and i would appreciate your prayers. if i could take a child home with me, he would be the one, and i will love him forever no matter what situation he is having to overcome.

maureen is a precious little girl with a twin sister named memory. memory is very expressive and vocal and babbles all of the time, and i believe that since memory does all of the talking, maureen doesn’t feel that she has to. it has been my goal to get maureen to start babbling, and she has gone from being nonverbal to making all kinds of sounds. giving her the attention that memory so often gets has started to bring her out of her little shell, and i’m hoping that from here on out she’ll be giving little memory a good run for her money.

this experience has taught me that i am a huge fan of the underdogs: the weak, the sick, the quiet, the abandoned, the hurting, the broken, the powerless. i am amazed when i realize that we have given the children of zambia a voice. with the production of a sound, there is hope that that sound will turn into a word which will turn into a phrase which will turn into a sentence that might change the world.

one day when i return to zambia, which i will, i hope that when i walk the path to the haven the silence and peacefulness of my walk will be disrupted by the sound of 70 individual little voices breaking out into sounds, words, and songs. the melody of those tiny, little voices would be sweeter than that of any song, and i believe that when i return i will be greeted with the sound of zambia’s voice.

where YOU lead: hakuna matata

2011-06-15T11:42:00.000-07:00

"it's our problem-free philosophy...hakuna matata." timon & pumbaa

today qualifies as one of the most amazing days of my life. after 4 weeks of hard work, our group has been privileged enough to get to spend 4 days here in livingstone, zambia. and so this morning we set out on an incredible adventure.

we had to shuttle here from namwianga in 2 groups because of our transportation, and i was fortunate enough to make it onto the first shuttle. we left at 9 and arrived at 10:30 to one of the most beautiful hotels at which i've ever stayed. after a short time of settling in, our group followed dr. weaver and started walking through livingstone. she led us to a fabulous italian restaurant called olga's, and by the end of the meal olga the restaurant and i were best friends. her ravioli was out of this world, and it seriously felt like we were eating in italy instead of here in africa. we ate 3 different appetizers, drank coke light, and ate italian food to our hearts' content without having to spend a single penny of our own kwatcha.

as if that weren't enough, we then were taken just a few hours later to the royal livingstone hotel for high tea. as we drove in our land cruiser, which we affectionately call khaki jackie, giraffes were grazing in the front yard and were literally 10 feet away from our vehicle. it was like the jurassic park of africa, and we hummed the theme song as we drove to the parking lot.

we went out on the veranda and got to order any kind of tea that we wanted while eating all the food we wanted from the buffet. a man was playing the piano incredibly well inside and when we went in to watch him we realized that he had no sheet music and was playing completely from memory.

we then went to watch the sun begin to set on the veranda when suddenly we noticed a small animal darting across the grass. soon all kinds of monkeys joined us on the veranda in order to eat our leftovers. they were the cutest and at the same time scariest things i may have ever seen in my life. they would jump on our tables, in people's laps, and wherever they thought the food was. we enjoyed chasing them and playing with them for a really long time.

we then left high tea to finish watching the sun set at one of the 7 wonders of the world: victoria falls. we just stood in silence at first, taking in the majesty of GOD'S creation. then i could not help singing "i stand in awe of YOU," and i later learned that dr. weaver was singing the same song to herself at the same time. we then watched as a lunar rainbow formed over the falls from the reflection of the moon which rarely ever happens. it was one of the most beautiful things i've ever witnessed, and i still have chills from just pure awe.

so after a day of great food, giraffes, high tea, monkeys, the sunset, and 1 of the 7 wonders of the world i can say that i am completely content and amazed at the power of GOD. tomorrow we are going on an all-day safari where we will see lions, hippos, more giraffes, elephants, and more. i wish that every single individual could experience this, so i hope that my writing is giving you a somewhat accurate image of what i'm seeing. thank you for all of your thoughts and prayers during this journey. i love you all!

where YOU lead: the delivery

2011-06-14T13:31:00.000-07:00

“LORD, take my life. Make it YOUR home. LORD, live through me for i am not my own.”

you know it’s going to be an interesting day when you look out of the window and see the family. there they are sitting on the front porch staring at something tiny in their hands. you wonder what their tiny package wound up in a blanket is until you hear the soft whimpers and the teeny cries. and that’s when you realize that their tiny delivery is their child.

maybe a parent died. or maybe both parents died. or maybe the family simply isn’t financially able to support the child. but for whatever reason, they decide to put this brand new, perfect, little life into your hands. and then they walk away, sometimes grieving from the realization of the gravity of their decision and sometimes relieved from the tiny burden that was just released from their care. but when that tiny and perfect package is delivered, you can’t help but accept the delivery.

on april 25th two little girls were born, one in america and one in africa. the american girl was born into a home with 2, loving parents. the african girl was delivered to the haven’s front door. the american girl was born exactly on time and experienced no problems in her growth or development. the african girl was born premature, weighing under 2 pounds, and when given IVs to preserve her life, all of her veins collapsed. the american girl had her whole life ahead of her. but it appeared that the african girl was about to lose her brand new and perfect, little life.

but the african girl’s life was saved by the help of the hands of the aunties at the haven, megan holly, beckie weaver, and our team here. we decided to fight for her, unwilling to abandon her as her own family had. we took turns feeding her and discovering ways to preserve her tiny and perfect life. and today when she was weighed she went from 2.3 pounds to 3.1.

but the reason that this incredible, little delivery has made such an impact on my heart is because i am the american girl born on april 25th, the day that little baby ellen and i both entered this world. and every time that i see her or hold her i thank GOD for my life and pray for hers.

and as sad as it was to hear the soft whimpers and teeny cries on the day that the tiny package came to the door, i realize that she would not be alive today if she hadn’t been delivered into our greater hands, the hands that knew just what she needed. and it is then that i realize that neither will we live unless we allow our lives to be delivered into the greatest hands, HIS hands that know just what we need.

we were bought at a price, and we were delivered into HIS hands, the only hands big enough to hold us. and then he chose to remove our impurities and imperfections and restore us to our once brand new and perfect lives. HE chose to die in our place so that we might have life and have it fully. and despite our ugliness and imperfection, HE chose to accept the delivery.

where YOU lead: the village people

2011-06-13T12:17:00.001-07:00

the past few days have been incredible. on friday we finished therapy for the week and celebrated that night with a party thrown for us by the staff here at namwianga. we ate nshima, chicken, and rice and drank bottled cokes. our cook, leonard, has baked us about 10 cakes in the last week, and we have graciously eaten them all.

on saturday i went back to choma with mark and tyler and a couple of the girls, and we filmed part of the documentary there in the market. we bought some more souvenirs, had a picnic lunch, and went back to the museum. when we returned to namwianga, mark and tyler interviewed me for almost an hour and a half and asked me questions about speech pathology and life that i had never thought about before.

whenever i step back and realize what exactly we’re doing here, i am overcome with emotion. the fact that we are learning and growing as clinicians while saving and changing the lives of 70 children is overwhelming. realizing the personal fears and limitations that we have conquered in choosing to live and work here is empowering. and staring into the faces of those little people whose whole worlds we are changing is one of the most unbelievable feelings i’ve ever felt.

sunday brought a whole new meaning to the term “the village people.” we woke up and drove out to a village in the bush called kasibi which can only be found by following the correct land cruiser tracks in the dirt road. we piled into our land cruisers and off-roaded for about an hour in order to get to this tiny church where leonard is an elder.

worship was excellent, and after it was over we were serenaded by 2 groups of kasibi singers. we then sang for the church in tonga and were cheered for like none other. they told us that no group has ever learned and performed songs in tonga for the people here, and they were completely overwhelmed that we would do something like that for them.

but it was after the worship service that the village people truly came to life. we walked up to leonard’s house where he had prepared a meal for the entire church. his house was surrounded by tiny huts which enclosed the animals that he breeds, kills, and prepares for the food that he cooks. and it was after eating the lunch he had prepared that the party started.

leonard’s band set up in the middle of the yard and began to play their music, and soon children, one by one, started coming up and dancing. and before we knew it, there was a whole circle of people rotating around the band, the africans legitimately breaking it down and the americans flailing about in our best attempt. but honestly, my celebration with the village people was one of the happiest experiences of my life, just another lesson proving that true contentment is rooted in simplicity.

today i had to finally say goodbye to my friends from the pharmacy program as they are heading back to america a little earlier than we are. i must say that i have sincerely enjoyed every moment i have had with them and have loved getting to know their hearts. seeing my friend justin’s ability to take things as they come and go with the flow, always with kindness and steadiness really encouraged me to keep calm and enjoy whatever comes. seeing cameron’s passion for what she does and her willingness to be the only girl in a group of guys and go wherever she was needed was always inspiring. and seeing brian’s love for GOD and people, which is so contagious, made me love the people here even more, and i know that this experience would not have been the same without him.

tonight we had share time where we discussed many things as our time here is about to come to a close. it is crazy to look back and realize everything that GOD has done through us, and it’s exciting to know that there is still some time to continue our impact. i am going to be enjoying every second of my final 9 days here. we leave for livingstone on wednesday, return to namwianga on saturday, and leave for america next thursday. i may never realize the difference that my time here has made, but i know that because i knew zambia, i have been changed for good.

where YOU lead: GOD'S gift

2011-06-09T13:36:00.001-07:00

i shed my first african tears today. honestly, i don’t even know how to begin this story.

every summer the HIZ-path group goes to a huge rock called jordan’s rock for a cookout where they watch the sunset and just enjoy the evening looking up at the stars while eating hotdogs. i have been excited about going to this event for the past year when i first learned what it was.

our cookout on jordan’s rock was tonight, and on top of it, it was the birthday of my dear, little friend ian, one of our professor’s sons. and after a long day of walking 5 miles, missing my pharmacy friends, filming my portion of the documentary, and doing 5 hours of therapy, i absolutely could not wait to have a beautiful evening with our group on the rock.

we were to leave at 4:30, and so as soon as we got home, jill and i immediately went into our little bunkhouse, changed our clothes, and grabbed our flashlights to head out the door. but when we got to the driveway at 4:30, all of the vehicles were gone. we walked all around the houses looking for people, but no one in our group was to be found. it turned out that we had been left at the house by mistake, with our classmates each thinking that we were in another vehicle.

if you know me at all, you know that i have a stubborn and strong will and that i absolutely was not going to be missing this party on the rock. so jill and i started walking, having no idea where jordan’s rock was, and we began asking random zambians in namwianga how to get to the rock. and i just started praying that GOD would keep us safe and help us find our group in the middle of the african bush.

after walking for a mile and a half, we finally ran into my 2 favorite aunties from the haven, beatrice and gertrude, who were on their way home with the other aunties, and we told them our dilemma. they told us that jordan’s rock was about a 20 minute drive through dirt roads and bushes from where we were, and that we would never make it in time by foot. but all of a sudden one auntie went into action and flagged down a truck driven by 2 guys about our age, and we knew if the aunties trusted the guys to take us there that we were in very good hands.

so i can now say that i hitchhiked for the first time in my life in zambia, africa, and GOD could not have taken any better care of us. HE provided us a vehicle out of nowhere driven by 2 guys who knew exactly where this rock was in the middle of african plain. it turned out that these 2 guys taking us were the missionary’s adopted sons and that they drove us completely out of their way so that we could be there. i cried the whole way to the rock, realizing that these young men who had nothing compared to what we have were taking us a total of 40 minutes out of their way just because of the love in their hearts. they were so kind and compassionate towards us and truly sympathized with our situation. and when we got out of the bed of the truck and i asked the driver to tell me his name, the irony blew me away. the name of our driver was gift.

where YOU lead: never be the same

2011-06-08T13:32:00.000-07:00

it is unreal to realize that i have been living in africa for a month. the time has passed so quickly, and it’s hard to believe that it’s about to come to a close. in the past month i have walked approximately 100 miles. i have lost 10 pounds. i have learned the names and personalities of 70 children. i have completed around 70 hours of therapy. i have partially learned another language. i have made a best friend. i have grown closer to my friends and ultimately closer to my GOD.

after this experience i will never take hot water, clean water, or any water for granted ever again. i will appreciate electricity and internet reliability. i will appreciate clean houses, clean streets, clean stores, and really anything that’s clean. i will appreciate the shoes on my feet, the clothes on my back, and the food on my plate. i will appreciate my health and the fact that i was born into this world free of disease. i will consider it a miracle that i was born into the country, the family, and the circumstances in which i was born. and i will return with a new purpose, knowing that GOD made me to go into the whole world.

this week’s therapy schedule looks like this:

9:30-11:00 i help teach the same toddler language stimulation group that i taught last week. we read stories, sing songs, and engage in various play activities to stimulate the production of language.

11:00-12:30 i work with children ages 9-12 months on language stimulation through interactive play. we work on tummy time for the first half of the session and allow the babies to strengthen their muscles and increase trunk control through time on their tummies on the rug. we then have a similar session as the first hour and a half with them and sing songs and read books.

2:15-3:30 i work with a special needs child named kritz who demonstrates high-functioning autism. his receptive language (understanding) skills are intact, but he is almost completely nonverbal. we play, read books, and sing songs in order to support the production of language. he has completely won me over.

3:30-4:15 i work with the child of my choice and just interact and encourage language production. the child of my choice is a little 13-month-old baby boy named hamilton who is pictured above, strapped on with a chitenge. he almost died last year but survived and is thriving by the grace of GOD. he is a biter and already has a receding hairline and basically has completely stolen my heart.

2 of my good friends from undergrad, mark slagle and tyler jones, are here to film a documentary of our work. tyler and i have been friends since we were 12 and studied in italy for a semester together, and we are beyond excited to have the opportunity to work on this project right now. filming begins in the morning, and i will be leading the guys through my new home here in namwianga. they will be interviewing me, members of my group, and local zambians in order to get a realistic view of this incredible program. i am so excited to be a part of such a ground-breaking experience.

i am just so grateful to GOD for the million life-changing moments HE’S given me in the past month, and i will absolutely never be the same again.

where YOU lead: the walmart of zambia

2011-06-05T04:47:00.001-07:00

“fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are MINE. when you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned; and the flame shall not consume you. for I am the LORD your GOD, the HOLY ONE of israel, you SAVIOR.” isaiah 43:1-3

in zambia there is no walmart. there is the market, and the market is a warzone. our nearest market is in kalomo which is about a 15 minute drive from our house, and we go into town once a week to pick up anything that we might need.

in the walmart of zambia, there are no clean and tidy aisles. the streets are compiled of dirt and garbage and broken plastic and broken glass. the aisles are lined with dried, dead fish staring at you or plastic bottles filled with vegetable oil or bags and bags of rice. the employees in the walmart of zambia are the poor, the hungry, the tired, the starving, the weak, the wretched, and the worn.

in the walmart of zambia, i am called “makua” because i am white and foreign. i hear “makua, i like you” or “marry me, makua” on a regular basis. in the walmart of zambia, i am asked my named, and if i were to give it, it would be passed to every single worker in the market so that they might call it. in the walmart of zambia i am followed by people begging me to buy from them just to give them enough money for their next meal, and children approach me asking for treats or any money or food i might give them.

in the walmart of zambia, i have witnessed unimaginable things. in the market in choma, a little 3 or 4-year-old girl held a pistol in her hand while i bought a chitenge from her father. as i was entering the kalomo market yesterday i noticed the man beside me rolling up a joint of marijuana and offering it for sale. and right after that, another man who was drunk in the mid-morning threw a beer bottle against a rock, and the glass shattered right in front of me, right where i was about to stand. he then threatened the man in front of him with the broken half of glass bottle that remained in his hand.

but in the walmart of zambia, there is hope in the midst of struggle. in the middle of a warzone, in the middle of a battlefield, there is a sense of triumph in the hope that one day things will change for the poor, the hungry, the tired, the starving, the weak, the wretched, and the worn. and as i left the walmart of zambia, the picture above is what i saw.

where YOU lead: the mark of friendship

2011-06-02T13:17:00.001-07:00

the mark of friendship in this country is when a local zambian comes to you and decides to hold your hand and walk with you. in my time here, i truly hoped a zambian would deem me worthy of that level of friendship and demonstrate it by taking my hand. and yesterday my hand was taken.

beatrice is a 38-year-old zambian woman, a widowed mother of 6, and an auntie in haven 2. she works all day long caring for every need of the toddlers in the second haven. she cooks for them, cleans them, and sings to and plays with them. despite losing her husband 4 years ago, caring for her own 6 children who range in age from 4 to 19, and working countless hours to meet the needs of children who aren’t her own, beatrice is always singing, laughing, and smiling.

beatrice and i were friends at first sight because we both are in love with a man named JESUS CHRIST. we made an instant connection and friendship even though we come from 2 totally different worlds. after learning songs in tonga, her second language besides english, i decided to sing them and see if she knew them. she knew all of them and taught me more, and every day we play with the children on the playground, singing songs to them in tonga.

but it was yesterday that she chose to give me the mark of her friendship. we had just finished singing a song to the children when she grabbed my hand and asked that i help her prepare the children’s lunch of nshima which is ground corn meal with a tomato gravy, the typical meal of every zambian every day because it’s all they can afford.

i helped cook and cut up the nshima and distribute it to the babies, and i have decided that it is a simple task i will complete every day. i can’t describe the extreme honor and excitement that filled my heart when this beautiful, zambian daughter of GOD chose to give me the mark of friendship, but I know that my heart changed when she took my hand.

where YOU lead: the gigglers

2011-05-31T13:31:00.000-07:00

we worshiped with the church here in namwianga on sunday, and afterward i decided to spend my afternoon flippantly. i rewarded myself for these past weeks’ work by taking my 2nd hot shower of this trip, and i even went as far as to straighten my hair. sheer frivolity.

my schedule for therapy this week includes the following:

9:30-11:00 our group conducts language stimulation therapy with toddlers from havens 2 and 3. we sing songs, read books, and encourage production of language through activities such as playing on the playground or having “tea time” where the toddlers drink warm milk.

11:00-12:30 we engage in one-on-one language stimulation with the older children from haven 1 which range in age from 12 to 18 months. we sing and play, encouraging the production of speech through imitation and repetition.

2:15-3:30 we engage in one-on-one language stimulation with the toddlers from haven 3 through the same previous activities.

3:30-4:15 we work on language production with the child of our choice for the remainder of the day.

i am loving these children, and in the coming days i will be giving you the lowdown on each child and his or her personality. they have stolen my heart and make me smile and laugh on a daily basis.

there are 2 other zambians who have stolen my heart and make me smile and laugh on a daily basis. the first is our neighbor, mrs. mono, who is a seamstress who will sew anything that you want to have made. tonight i went to her house where she had made me a beautiful quilt with chitenges i purchased in the market. she makes bags, wallets, scrubs, placemats, and just about anything you could think of to have made.

the most touching part about mrs. mono is that she put all of her children through college, which is rare for zambians to attend, through her sewing. she will sew all through the night because she loves the people she is sewing for and because she loves her family. whenever you go over there she giggles and hugs you and gets embarrassed when you tell her just how beautiful whatever she made you is. she is just as beautiful as the prettiest quilt she could ever make.

the second is our night watchman webster. for the past two nights he has been teaching us hymns in tonga, the language here, and we will eventually be performing for them for the church here in namwianga and in a town called kasibi. whenever we sing a song well, webster giggles and shouts, "ooooooh, that was niiiiiiiice!" he is the most energetic and smiley man i have met here, and he is one awesome song leader.

webster lives in a one-room house out in kolomo, the town closest to us, and one night last summer he got very sick. dr. weaver and dr. tullos drove him to his house in the middle of the night on the streets here which don’t have any lights, and after they arrived to his house, they realized they wouldn’t be able to find their way back to their houses. webster, while physically very ill, bent down and removed his shoes and placed them on his brother’s feet so that he could guide them home on his bicycle which didn’t have any pedals.

despite poverty and working all night long to protect us, webster is always smiling and laughing and encouraging us. at 29 years old he has dreams of being a preacher and a song leader, and we love being his guinea pigs in his provisional singing class. zambia needed a mrs. mono and a webster, and so did we.

where YOU lead: here in this place

2011-05-28T13:54:00.001-07:00

we worked intensely this week and completed our first week of therapy, and the children are already making progress in every area. our babies with TB and HIV started gaining more control and strength and started being able to feed without any leaking or spitting up. our toddlers started talking, singing, and following directions. we are all so excited and happy about the improvement they’re making.

today we drove into a town called choma which is approximately 1 hour away. we shopped in a market for chitenges, and kara and i, with the support of brian and justin, had excellent success, paying only 7,000 kwatcha (about $1.50) for each one. we stuck out like sore thumbs as we were the only caucasians to be found. our favorite things said to us today were, “white people, t-shirts!” and “you are american. come here!”

we went to the choma museum where we bought handmade souvenirs including spears, bowls, paintings, animal figurines, and all kinds of other things. on the drive back i was proposed to in the car by a zambian on the side of the road. it was very tempting as our car was temporarily stopped and he took one look at me and yelled, “marry me,” but i decided that wasn’t the best plan of action at this point in my life and had to turn him down. brian was extremely amused.

when we got back to namwianga we attended our first zambian wedding. two members of the church were getting married, and our group was invited. it was one of the most awesome experiences of my life. the bridal party danced down the aisle with various dances in order to start the celebration. the bride and groom wore a matching shirt and dress made of the same patterned and colorful fabric. people kept cheering and dancing in their seats and in the aisle to rejoice for the new couple. and just when you thought the dancing and celebrating was over, it would all start back up again, and a group of us got up and attempted to learn their wedding celebration dances with them, which only made the fact that we are caucasian americans more apparent. we stayed for 2 and a half hours, but the excitement lasted for the rest of the night.

i love embracing this zambian culture. i love the singing. i love the languages. i love the dances. i love the weddings. i love the food. i love the temperature. i love the people. i love the children. and i love discovering GOD here in this place.

where YOU lead: the daily routine

2011-05-26T13:48:00.000-07:00

the ladies of my house and i wake up every morning at 6:30 or 7:00 to the coldest shower known to man. we have a bathhouse a few yards from our bunkhouse where we wash one limb at a time in the waterfall of ice. we come back and dress in skirts to our ankles and plain t-shirts that can be spit-up or who knows what else on in order to properly play with our sweet children.

we all eat breakfast together at 8:30 every morning and are ready to start the day at 9:00. we have a cook named ba leonard who is a local zambian and cooks all of our meals and runs the grounds. we have workers who clean our houses and do our laundry, and when they clean our laundry it is paraded on a clothesline for all of GOD’S creation to see. we also have night watchmen who guard our houses at night, killing snakes and scaring off robbers, and our door is secured with 3 locks and an iron door.

the haven where we work is 1.5 miles away, and a group of us walk 6 miles a day to and from in order to get to work and get in our exercise. when we arrive at the haven, we all have different schedules and targets for therapy. there are 3 different therapy groups that will rotate throughout the next few weeks. my schedule for this week includes the following:

9:30-11:30 my group feeds infants with HIV and TB in the 3rd haven. we put them on their stomachs on a rug for tummy time in order to establish better trunk control and muscle strength. we stretch their tight arms and legs and rub their backs as excessive tightness is a result of their diseases. we then do 10 buccal rubs on their cheeks with our fingers, lip stretches right above their lips, and c-stretches placing 1 finger in their mouths and moving the other finger in a c shape on their cheeks as the diseases also affect the muscles used when feeding and swallowing. we then sing to them and feed them and just love on their little selves as much as possible.

11:30-12:30 we interact with healthy babies from the 1st haven and try to stimulate their language as much as possible. we encourage imitation and as much production of expressive language as possible. and ultimately we just hold them and love on them, trying to fill the void of the mommies that they don’t have.

At 1:00 we eat lunch and rest for about 45 minutes from all of our playing and walking in order to head out again at 2:15.

2:30-4:15 we feed the healthy babies from haven 1 who are having difficulty with feeding and swallowing and use the same approaches as we did in the morning, and we have interaction time just like we did in the morning as well.

we all come back and eat dinner at 5:00. we are very tired at that point and just ready to relax. we play games, read books, and just talk to each other at night, enjoying this time of no distractions or other obligations.

we are realizing how important our job is. every summer an infant has died in the haven, and it’s up to us to help prevent that loss. and while we ourselves are not enough to prevent it completely, we have the ability to make a huge difference. many of the older children at the haven are alive today as a result of our past efforts.

the average life expectancy of a zambian is 39 years. in this country a bicycle is a symbol of wealth. and in this country it used to be that when a mother died, her infant was buried alive with her as his fate would be better to suffocate in the ground than to die slowly from starvation.

we are becoming the change we wish to see in the world. to show that just because a mother dies, a child doesn’t have to. to increase the average life of a Zambian child and the quality of that life. and ultimately to practice pure and undefiled religion in caring for our orphans.

where YOU lead: the sick haven

2011-05-25T09:21:00.000-07:00

yesterday we were working in haven 3, which is the haven with babies and toddlers diagnosed either with failure to thrive, TB, or HIV, when an episode of sheer hilarity broke out. 4 little toddler boys had just finished their bathes and had broken free of their auntie’s grasp. they ran completely naked all throughout the haven hugging all of us with their naked, little selves and giggling the whole time. it was one of the most adorable scenes of my life.

when walking into haven 3, a lot of different thoughts enter your mind. you know that you are about to enter a house full of sickness and disease. you know that you will have to take precautions not to get the disease yourself. you know that you are about to enter a house where there has been death and where death will come again. you know that you are about to witness innocent and pure little children who had no choice in receiving their illnesses. and you know that at any time a healthy baby or toddler could be moved to the sick group.

and then you think about what if you accidentally sent one of the healthy babies or children into the sick haven. what if you got 2 of them mixed up during community playtime and one of them was put among the diseased? what if a healthy baby entered into a sick haven?

and those thoughts have made me learn something new about my GOD. because my GOD took HIS only SON and sent him to the sick haven. HE took a perfect and innocent baby and put him in a world full of disease. and instead of trying not to catch our diseases, JESUS took on the illnesses of us all. HE knew that it wasn’t the healthy who needed the doctor, and HE humbled HIMSELF to the point of taking on our iniquity.

HE became cursed. HE was despised. HE was rejected. HE was considered stricken and afflicted. HE was one from whom men hide their faces. HE was familiar with suffering. and HE was obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

and because HE entered the sick haven, we may live.

where YOU lead: the least of these

2011-05-23T08:01:00.000-07:00

today i worked in the haven with sick infants and toddlers for the first time. children in this haven have various diseases ranging from failure to thrive to HIV. i was initially nervous working with people with these diseases as i have never done that before, but today my heart was stolen and my fears were completely erased.

as I worked, matthew 25:35-40 came into my mind: “for i was hungry and you gave me food, i was thirsty and you gave me drink, i was a stranger and you welcomed me, i was naked and you clothed me, i was sick and you visited me, i was in prison and you came to me’… the KING will answer them, 'truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to ME.' and at the end of a long day’s work these are the words on my heart…

the least of these

today i met the least of these
as i sang to 2 twins with no mommy,
and as they sat and cried
as i said goodbye,
i knew that things would never be
the same for me.

today i met the least of these
as i held a baby girl who had TB,
and as i saw the rise in her chest
as she gasped for every breath,
i knew that things would never be
the same for me.

today i met the least of these
as i played with a little boy with HIV,
and with every beat of his heart
i felt my own break apart,
and i knew that things would never be
the same for me.

today i met the least of these
and it made me fall straight to my knees.
the pieces of my heart rearranged
and i will be forever changed,
and i know that things will never be
the same for me.

where YOU lead: the happiest place on earth

2011-05-22T12:58:00.000-07:00

yesterday afternoon we lost all electricity which is a normal occurrence here in africa. in america, we get upset if our high-speed internet access is running the least bit slowly. in zambia, the electricity can go out for days and sometimes months on a regular basis. yesterday we spent hours in complete darkness, and yet the zambians continually find pleasure in spending time together despite the darkness…making this the happiest place on earth.

this morning we got up and worshiped with the church here in namwianga. the building was tiny and completely packed with 406 people. despite their poverty, the zambians gave approximately $600. in the morning service about 10 people responded for prayers regarding everything from troubles in school to various illnesses, and people were ready and eager to pray for them. they sang their own version of “amazing grace” which completely blew our version out of the water…making this the happiest place on earth.

this afternoon americans and zambians united on the soccer field for an hour-long game of soccer. the americans from our group played in their nice, american tennis shoes. the zambians played in their bare feet, and they laughed and enjoyed every minute of feeling the grass between their toes and watching us attempt to play their sport…making this the happiest place on earth.

this evening 7 zambians were baptized into JESUS CHRIST for the remission of their sins. the entire congregation surrounded the baptistery which was a big cattle trough full of water in our backyard. all of the members sang african hymns on the way to our house and during the baptisms, and when the baptisms were over, they sang an african chant congratulating those entering into GOD’S kingdom. it was the most rewarding celebration i’ve ever attended…making this the happiest place on earth.

despite poverty. despite malnutrition. despite disease. despite darkness. despite need. despite want. despite loss. despite nothing. and despite everything. this is the happiest place on earth.

"clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for 'GOD opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.' humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of GDD so that at the proper time HE may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on HIM, because HE cares for you. be sober-minded; be watchful. your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. resist HIM, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world." 1 peter 5:5-9

where YOU lead: GOD has smiled

2011-05-21T07:57:00.001-07:00

we ate our first african meal on thursday night in lusaka at a restaurant called rhapsody, and naturally i went with african spaghetti as you just can’t go wrong with spaghetti. it was wonderful, and after eating we all immediately went to sleep for 10 hours.

we woke up on friday morning to a 6-hour-long bus ride from lusaka to namwianga which was filled with reading, sleeping, and singing. we ate at a place on the side of the road called tooters, and it might have been the best version of fried chicken this side of kfc. our bus then broke down there, and we physically had to push it and jump it to get it to start. it was an incredible bonding experience.

we arrived at namwianga where we got our rooming assignments. i’m living in a tiny little bunkhouse with jill and cameron where we have 2 bedrooms, a kitchen, and a bathroom to ourselves. our beds are covered with mosquito netting, and our walls are decorated with wall spiders who eat the mosquitoes. we love our little house!

although it’s supposed to be dry season, it decided to rain last night here in africa. and not only did it decide to rain, but it also decided to hail. i’m not sure how to put into words the feeling of living in a tiny african house, reading your book on the couch, and listening to the sound of an african thunderstorm. it was one of the most beautiful feelings in my life.

last night leonard, our cook, made us grilled cheese sandwiches and baked us an amazing cocoa cake from scratch. our group played board games together and gave every member of the group a nickname. dr. weaver says that if i had a tribal name it would be “laughing with grace” because my boyfriend, whose last name is grace, is here working with me and constantly making me laugh.

this morning cameron, jill, and i braved the world’s coldest shower. our showers are solar-powered and therefore freezing at 6:30 in the morning. we showered with the toads and the spiders and suddenly were totally wide awake.

we then journeyed to the haven where we will be working for the next few weeks. it is made up of 3 houses: 1 with healthy babies, 1 with healthy toddlers, and 1 with babies with various diseases. this morning we visited and played with the healthy babies and had a blast. my favorites are named lucas, maureen, and reuben. i held each baby and sang various songs to them while just loving on them. maureen’s favorite song was “GOD has smiled on me,” and she would smile and giggle every time i sang it. she would cry every time i put her down and instantly stole my heart. there’s a little baby named memory who is a little trickster, and he was constantly trying to steal my camera and my hand sanitizer. pictured above is my boyfriend brian holding a little girl named peace and me holding lucas, and we all enjoyed going throughout the haven holding and playing with all of the babies. there are just no words to describe the experience!

we ended today’s big events with the kalomo marketplace where we purchased chitenges of different colors. chitenges are long pieces of fabric that are tied around your waste into a skirt, and i bought 2 and will be sporting them as soon as possible. for the rest of the day we will be eating dinner, playing games, spending time together, and getting ready to worship our LORD in the morning.

at the end of the day, i am overwhelmed by only 1 thought: “GOD has smiled on me. HE has set me free. GOD has smiled on me. HE’S been good to me!”

where YOU lead: the blast off

2011-05-19T08:20:00.000-07:00

"it's a dangerous business, going out your door. you step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no telling where you might be swept off to." bilbo baggins, the fellowship of the ring

approximately 48 hours ago i began what is already turning into a life-changing experience. i boarded a plane with 10 other master's speech-language pathology students, 3 SLP supervisors, 3 pharmacy students, 1 pharmacy supervisor, and 1 of our professor's sons named ian whom i affectionately call "it." we boarded our plane in memphis with eager anticipation and excitement only to be told that the leader of our pack, dr. beckie weaver, didn't have a seat. it turned out that a woman had boarded our plane accidentally, and of all the people they could have tried to kick off, they had the audacity to approach dr. weaver.

we all made it onto the plane, however, and flew from memphis to chicago to d.c. where we spent the night. on our flight from chicago to d.c. we met the most entertaining flight attendant i've ever met in my life. he fondly called himself "karlitos" and wore a llama pin as his emblem. he sang for us, offered us free gifts, and escorted us off of the plane with napkins containing every possible means of his contact information including his facebook and twitter. we thanked him and then kindly threw his napkins into the trash when he wasn't looking.

this morning...well, i'm not really sure at this point when this morning was...we boarded ethiopian air to fly 13 hours from d.c. to addis ababa, ethiopia. naturally upon arriving in ethiopia, i immediately thought of acts 8 and the ethiopian eunich, wishing i, like philip, could inspire others to ask the question, "what prevents me from being baptized?"

seeing africa for the first time was the most incredible feeling! stepping onto african ground to be surrounded by trees straight out of "the lion king" was unreal. meeting african people so interested in and encouraging of you made the thousands of miles so completely worth it.

since i am in the habit of never meeting a stranger, i made 5 new african friends on our flight from ethiopia to harare, zimbabwe to lusaka, zambia. the reason that i titled this post "the blast off" is because 2 of them were little, toddler brothers who kept calling our flight "the blast off." the other 3 were african women named sandra, christine, and ethel. sandra, a woman in her early 30s, was from zimbabwe, and when i told her why we were coming to africa she asked, "why are you not coming to zimbabwe? we need you there!" christine, an older woman, works with children of various african nations and was thrilled to hear of our work, and ethel, an african girl around my age, and i sang american pop songs together on the plane and exchanged email addresses before the flight was over.

we finally arrived in lusaka to a huge zambian bus that took us here to our hotel. we are all happy to be on the ground and glad for this night of rest, but we are all eagerly anticipating leaving for namwianga in the morning! thank you for all your prayers for our successful "blast off!"

where YOU lead: the night before africa

2011-05-16T20:42:00.000-07:00

"for attractive lips, speak words of kindness. for lovely eyes, seek out the good in people. for a slim figure, share your food with the hungry. for beautiful hair, let a child run their fingers through it once a day. for poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone. people, more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed. remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms. as you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself and the other for helping others." audrey hepburn

in titling the posts about my adventures in africa, i was blessed with the strangest source of inspiration. i love music and naturally thought some clever lyrics from a devotional song or a song about africa would come to me, but instead, the song that kept playing in my head...was the theme song from gilmore girls. the lyrics are not spiritual in nature and don't have anything to do with africa, but when you twist them to be about GOD and following HIS will, it is quite amazing what they create: "where YOU lead, i will follow, anywhere that YOU tell me to. if YOU need, YOU need me to be with YOU, i will follow where YOU lead."

when it comes to the journey that i am about to take, there are no more appropriate lyrics to be found. the fact that GOD led me to harding university, to be blessed with a previous international experience, to fall in love with the field of speech pathology, to work with children on a daily basis, to take 3 incredible missions classes, to be in 1 of the 1st classes in an upcoming program, to be in the 3rd group to ever have this opportunity, and to be able and willing to go is nothing short of providential. i truly believe that i was made for such a time as this.

i believe at this time in my life: while i'm in grad school. while i'm unmarried. while i'm young and love to travel. that i was meant for this work. to be holding, feeding, changing, treating, and loving on orphaned babies with various diseases in a home called the haven. to play with, get to know, and love older children in their home called eric's house. and to grow as a speech pathologist and more importantly a daughter of GOD at the namwianga mission site of zambia, africa.

when you tell people that you're about to move to africa to be a medical missionary for 6 weeks, you get some pretty interesting reactions. in the past week i have been told not to die, to come back, not to drink the water, and to wear gloves. and trust me, those thoughts were definitely my initial reactions, too. but as you individually prepare to live in africa. when it's you that's actually going. when it's your life and your path. when somehow you find yourself boarding a plane in 24 hours. as much as you want to prepare for all of the physical changes and precautions. as much as you want to be afraid of all of the crazy things that might happen. and as much as you want to question if in fact you really are ready. the only thing that you can focus on is your heart.

when you're packing to live in africa, you pack things that you have never purchased before in your life. you soon find yourself researching the best antibacterials and discussing the pros and cons of imodium. your suitcase becomes a living pharmacy. you become a pro at listing off the different medications that you're taking all at the same time. you find yourself bragging about how you suffered 5 shots in 1 sitting. and soon to use bug spray with deet or to use bug spray without deet becomes the question.

hands down, my favorite purchase for this adventure is my headlamp which i have affectionately named "lolita" because i love to name my possessions and because it totally sounds like a light's name. it's orange and white and produces 3 different types of light including night vision which i fully plan on using on a regular basis. and as i visualize myself walking in africa by the light of my handy headlamp, i can't help but realize that the concept of my headlamp defines my whole journey.

here i embark on an unknown adventure, unable to see the path ahead of me. but just as my headlamp will physically help me to see exactly what i need to. indicating exactly where i need to go. identifying only what's just ahead. emphasizing every moment and every step. guiding my very direction. i believe that GOD will light my heart and my steps just like my headlamp. seeing exactly what i need to. indicating exactly where i need to go. identifying only what's just ahead. emphasizing every moment and every step. guiding my very direction.

for this adventure i'm trading my favorite pair of coral heels for my chacos and toms. i'm trading my pants for some shin-hitting skirts. i'm trading my makeup for moisturizer with some serious spf. i'm trading my perfume for some deep woods off. and i'm trading my multi-vitamin for anti-malaria medication. but ultimately i'm trading my pride for some humility. i'm trading my luxury for some discomfort. i'm trading my planning for some uncertainty. and i'm trading my put-together life for a broken heart.

i will be restoring, renewing, reviving, reclaiming, and redeeming only to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed. and my prayer is that GOD will help me bear the pain as HE breaks my heart.

to read more about where i will be living and working, go here. if you would like to pray for me, i have 2 requests: 1) that my team and i will remain healthy and safe in order to fulfill our plan and purpose effectively and to physically return in the same condition in which we left and 2) that our doubts and fears will not inhibit our efforts and that we will not return the same people emotionally and spiritually. thank you for caring about my journey, and i promise to write as often as i can.

adventures in europe: england

2011-05-15T13:44:00.000-07:00

(picture source: hard rock cafe)

i wanted to get one more story of prayer from europe in before i start writing about my adventures in africa. this last one took place in london at the end of my semester abroad.

i had traveled to london at the end of my 3-month adventure in europe with 3 of my good girl friends. we were going to spend 3 days in london before flying back home to america. we were also going to be meeting up with the rest of our friends to celebrate my 20th birthday at the hard rock cafe on that first night. i would also be reuniting with my travel buddies, my identical twin best friends haley and holly, because we would be flying home a different way than everybody else.

london has 5 airports. the rest of my friends were all going to be flying back to detroit before meeting their connecting flights to their appointed cities, so they would all be traveling out of the heathrow airport. but because the twins and i were flying back to alabama, we would be traveling a different route and departing out of london city airport. so in other words, it was imperative that i quickly meet up with the twins.

for whatever reason we hadn't come up with a plan of where we would meet or how we would even get to the airport which is in the dead center of the city. because of the time of our flight, all of the subways wouldn't be running in time to get us there. a taxi cost approximately $20 per 3 blocks. and my hostel and their hotel were several miles apart. so we would have to meet up and soon in order to figure it out.

the problem with meeting up with haley and holly in london to devise our departure plan is that london is a really big city. and with no cell phones and only facebook messages, timing in our communication would be everything. and as the first day was coming near an end, i began to feel overwhelmed at the thought of finding these girls in one of the biggest cities in the world.

so on that first night in london, headed to the hard rock cafe to celebrate my birthday, i felt more nervous and anxious than excited. and so as my friends and i got off of the subway and walked the few blocks to the restaurant, i started praying: "LORD, this is going to seem really silly, so get ready. but i am really nervous and anxious about meeting up with haley and holly in time to come up with our plan to get back to america. i really need to get back to america. so as crazy as this is, i need to see haley and holly. so LORD, if you could please just work out a way for me to see them immediately, i would be really grateful."

right as we were approaching the door to the hard rock cafe, i said my amen. as i grabbed the handle of the door i realized that people were on the other side of it, so i decided to stand back and hold it open for them. and when i opened the door, the people on the other side...were haley and holly.

how to: seem a little bit smarter

2011-05-07T16:37:00.000-07:00

i love words and love combining them into elaborate phrases. i love the joy that comes from using the word "plethora" instead of "a lot." or telling someone i can't do something by saying, "i am disinclined to acquiesce to your request." i love commas and apostrophes, and i use a good colon whenever i can. i believe correct grammar and spelling is the first step to tricking people into believing i'm smarter than i really am. but that being said, there are a couple of tricky words that like to trip me up.

i found the following list of commonly misused and misspelled words on a cute website that unfortunately explained the differences a little too crudely for my taste to be shared on here. so therefore, i'd like to share the following 10 words that like to occasionally trip us all up, but upon mastery can give us that extra edge, raise that B to an A, and make us all seem a little bit smarter.

how to: seem a little bit smarter

by knowing the difference...

1) lose: opposite of win.
loose: not tight.

2) weird.
not to be spelled "wierd."
weird is weird and doesn't follow "i before e."

3) their: possessive; meaning it owns something.
they're: contraction; meaning "they are."
there: a place or an idea.

4) your: possessive; meaning you own something.
you're: contraction; meaning "you are."

5) it's: contraction; meaning "it is" or "it has."
its: possessive.

6) definitely.
not to be spelled "definately."
it's all i's and e's.

7) effect: most of the time a noun; a result.
affect: most of the time a verb; suggests emotion.

8) weather: snow, rain, sunshine, etc.
whether: comparison; "whether or not."

9) a lot.
not to be combined into "alot."

10) then: used for time.
than: used for comparison.

GLOW 2011

2011-05-06T22:12:00.000-07:00

tonight i had the great honor of speaking to an auditorium full of middle school and high school girls attending a conference here in alabama called GLOW. GLOW is an annual conference that takes place in florence, alabama every spring, and it encourages young girls to grow in love, faith, and purity in a handful of ways. it is an overnight, weekend event that involves speakers, arts and crafts, and fellowship to help young girls learn and grow, and i would encourage any young girls even remotely in the area to attend.

tonight i spoke on the 10 things i wish i had known when i was in middle school and high school, which i previously shared here. i'm uploading a preview of my presentation, however, as several of you requested to hear the actual speech. i'm grateful for the opportunities that GOD is giving me and humbled by the ways that HE'S helping me to grow.

adventures in europe: poland

2011-05-04T20:46:00.000-07:00

on that same first free travel adventure, my friends and i decided that we really wanted to visit auschwitz. we had studied and learned a lot about the holocaust and had just watched the film "life is beautiful" with the rest of our group. we knew that it would give us an appreciation for life that we had never experienced before. the only thing about auschwitz is that it's located in poland, which is rather far away.

we had traveled from florence to venice to budapest to vienna, and now we were planning to take an overnight train from vienna to krakow, poland, the city closest to auschwitz. typically we would have purchased a couchette like we did before, and we would have just slept in beds on the train until we arrived in krakow the next morning. but all of the couchettes and seats on the train heading straight to krakow were booked, and our only option was to purchase seats on two separate trains, making the a switch from one train to the other at 4:30 in the morning.

so at 4:30 in the morning, our train would arrive at some tiny polish town's train station where we would get off and get on another train to krakow. the other problem that we didn't realize was that when we arrived at our tiny polish town's train station, we would have exactly 7 minutes to locate and board the train to krakow.

so we left vienna that night carefree and excited, but as we traveled in the middle of the night to poland, i decided to review our train book and discovered that we would have only 7 minutes to make our change. i also noticed that the town we would be arriving in was called katowice and that i had never heard of it and didn't know anything about it. and as our arrivals and departures through various towns began to be delayed, i realized that we wouldn't be arriving in katowice at 4:30 in the morning.

as a general rule, the farther east that you travel in europe, the less english that is spoken. another general rule is that the smaller the town, the less english that is spoken. and as we approached katowice at nearly 5:00 in the morning, a sick realization hit me: my friends and i were about to be stranded in a tiny polish train station, in the middle of the night, where possibly no one spoke any english, and where there was no train for us to board.

and sure enough, with one step off of the train, all of my fears were realized. i stepped off of the train into a living nightmare, the single creepiest place i had ever been in my life. strangers were scattered on the platform just staring at the 6 cute, american girls who had just arrived. and there was not a single train waiting for us in the tiny station.

you had to walk up and down stairs to actually get to the train platforms, and so we went downstairs to find the information desk only to find that there was no information desk. there was a ticket counter, however, and so we all walked rather quickly to the woman shielded behind the metal bars enclosing her counter.

"yes, ma'am? we're looking for a train to krakow that was supposed to leave at 4:37. our train arrived here late, and we need to get there as soon as possible. did that train leave already, and do you know when the next one is coming?" i said as calmly as possible. and then my next fear was realized: not a single soul in the station spoke a single word of english.

panic started to set in as we girls realized that we were completely helpless in the scariest place we had ever been in the middle of the night. we started running down the long hallway and up and down stairs to various platforms in search of the train. but there was no train to be found.

so we finally chose a platform randomly and walked up the stairs to it to just stand and wait, and i began to pray. this was my exact prayer: "dear LORD, this may be really silly. but i am really scared. actually, i'm pretty terrified. and in this moment there is only one thing that i truly want, and that is my train. i don't want the next train. i don't want a train a few hours from now. but i want the 4:37 train that we just missed to come pick us up and take us safely to krakow. i know that's crazy, but..."

my prayer was interrupted mid-sentence by my friends getting my attention. i looked up and realized that a train was coming on another platform. we went downstairs and then back up the stairs to that platform. and upon walking up and seeing the electronic sign beside the train indicating where it was going and what time it was to depart, i read the following words: krakow 4:37.

sunday sunshine: dancing in the mine fields

2011-05-03T05:49:00.000-07:00

because i was posting quotes on sunday, i didn't get to post a sunday sunshine. however, i feel that sunday sunshines are important, therefore please enjoy this one on a tuesday.

april quotes

2011-05-01T12:44:00.000-07:00

for my birthday this year my roommate bought me this adorable book, which can be purchased at hallmark, full of cute inspirational quotes. so many of the this month's quote are a preview of this sweet book.

1) "if you want joy, jump for it." pam seaward

2) "while you live, love. while you breathe, sing. while you walk, dance. while you work, shine. while you see, dream." "live happy"

3) "some days are hopscotch kind of days; some days are getting-nailed-at-dodgeball kind of days." "live happy"

4) "be yourself. everybody else is already taken." oscar wilde

5) "those who stand for nothing fall for anything." alexander hamilton

6) "the real to-do list: sing. smile at strangers. keep learning. notice kindness. eat ice cream. hope. count your blessings. laugh. love. love some more." "live happy"

7) "a moment's insight is sometimes worth a lifetime's experience." oliver wendell holmes, jr.

8) "every flower that blooms has to go through a whole lot of dirt." "live happy"

9) "see the good all around you, even if you have to squint." "live happy"

10) "GOD'S gifts put man's best dreams to shame." elizabeth barrett browning

special announcement: "charissa explains it all" now has its own facebook page which can be accessed here. if you a) like my blog, b) read it regularly, c) would like to be updated with new posts, please go to the page and hit the "like" button. you can also do so by hitting the like button below. thank you for all the joy, support, and inspiration that you bring me!

adventures in europe: hungary

2011-04-30T16:00:00.000-07:00

in the spring of 2008 i spent 3 months living in florence, italy. as i am about to depart on another journey across the world in just 2 weeks, i have realized how much i wish i had started my blog before i lived in europe so that i could have shared those adventures with you as they happened. but since i can't go back in time, i'm now going to share my adventures in europe and the moments that forever changed my life.

my faith grows the most when i step out of my comfort zone and live in a situation where i have to continually rely on GOD for my every need. europe was just such an experience. at the young age of 19 i boarded a plane to study in italy from january through april. i traveled by plane, train, and boat all throughout italy and europe. i along with my friends had 3 week-long periods where we could travel anywhere in europe that we wanted to completely by ourselves. and i learned so much about the world and so much about myself in that very short amount of time.

in almost every place that i traveled, i encountered an event or situation that completely changed my life. i found myself relying on GOD endlessly, and my prayer life grew to a constant conversation with the LORD. in the next few posts, i want to share those moments that changed me and the prayers that i offered that got my friends and me out of what seemed like impossible situations. i hope that these posts will increase your desire for adventure, your faith, and your prayer life, as it increases that of my own.

adventures in europe: hungary

i was traveling on an overnight train from venice to budapest with 5 of my girl friends. it was our very first journey without any older adult supervision, and we had butterflies in our stomachs as we boarded the train. we had purchased what we were told to be the right tickets, and we soon found our couchette which is a compartment made of seats and beds that fold out for 6 people. when we stepped into our couchette, we put our bags down, locked our door, and breathed a sign of relief as our first step of tackling 7 countries in 8 days was complete. but we were very soon to find out that our good fortune was not what it seemed.

around midnight, as the train was approaching the croatian border, the conductor of our train car came to our couchette. he was the most adorable, hungarian, old man that you could ever imagine. he didn't speak much english but was obviously delighted at the thought of protecting 6 little, american girls during a 13 hour train ride. he laughed and gave us a huge smile and asked to see our tickets. but as he examined our tickets, the laugh died and the smile faded, and the only words out of his mouth were, "big problem."

the ticket cashier back in florence had sold us the wrong tickets. the tickets we had purchased were only valid from venice to croatia, and our only options were to each pay a fee in order to stay on the train or to be kicked off of the train in croatia, one of the most dangerous and anti-american countries in europe, at midnight. so for 6 19-year-old girls, the choice was obviously to stay on the train, until we learned the cost: 50 euro a piece.

at that time, 50 euro in europe was equal to approximately 75 american dollars which is a large amount of cash for 6 girls to each happen to be carrying. but if together we didn't have 300 euro in cash on our hands, which is equal to about 450 dollars, we would immediately be kicked off the train. our old, adorable train conductor delivered the news sorrowfully and fearfully, realizing the danger that we could be in but being able to do nothing to help us.

so i started praying like you wouldn't believe. we all started praying as we opened our wallets and bags looking for any cash that we could find. and by the grace of GOD we found exactly 300 euro. we paid our conductor, and he hugged us with joy as he realized the blessing from GOD that had just occurred.

but as if that wasn't enough, we now had no extra money to eat and wouldn't have any cash again until we got off the train and found an atm. but in the morning our wonderful train conductor, realizing that we had nothing to eat, brought us each a complete breakfast, probably which was covered with money from his own pocket. he watched over us and took care of us throughout our 13 hour train ride, making sure we had everything we needed and making sure that no one dared to disturb our couchette. and as we were about to leave, he taught us two words: köszönöm szépen, "thank you" in hungarian.

how to: make cake balls

2011-04-28T16:49:00.000-07:00

the other day someone asked for my cake ball recipe, and suddenly i realized that i had never put it on here for all of you. whether it's been making red velvet cake balls with cream cheese icing or going crazy with funfetti cake balls with strawberry icing, the cake ball is a crowd favorite that always brings success. so here is my recipe, and i hope it brings you and all of those who share in its goodness lots of joy!

what you need:

● 1 box of cake mix/ingredients for the cake
● 1 package of vanilla almond bark
● 1 jar of icing
● 2 bowls and clean hands
● wax paper and a spoon

what you do:

1) buy a cake and bake it as you normally would using the directions on the box.
2) allow the cake to cool, and then using your hands and fingers, crumble the cake into little pieces in a bowl.
3) add a whole jar of the icing of your choice to the cake crumbles (example: red velvet cake uses cream cheese icing).
4) mix the cake and the icing evenly together until you don't see any extra pieces of cake or of icing. i've found it's easiest to mix it with your hands.
5) put a whole package of vanilla almond bark in a bowl and melt in the microwave for 90 seconds. if you need to reheat the almond bark, melt it again in increments of 15 seconds to avoid burning it.
6) roll cake/icing combination into balls, and roll the balls in the melted vanilla almond bark with a spoon (i make mine small so i can eat more and feel less guilty).
7) place them on wax paper with the spoon and allow them to cool.
8) eat and enjoy!

the filter

2011-04-26T22:03:00.000-07:00

i recently made a life-changing purchase that i feel is going to probably affect the whole course of my existence. when i think of my town's drinking water, i am instantly reminded of the elephant in "tarzan" asking his mother, "are you sure this water's sanitary? it looks questionable to me!" so as a result of the questionable amoebas floating around in my water, i purchased...the brita water bottle.

that's right, i said bottle. the most brilliant, economical, sanitary creation known to mankind. you basically can start saving your life for a mere $9.99. what this little wonder does is purify your water as you drink it. you fill it up, and as you drink it, the water passes through a filter built into the lid before it escapes to your mouth. sheer brilliance.

the first time you fill it up and squeeze out the water, all kinds of black impurities immediately filter out of it, cleansing the system. and after that initial outpouring, the impurities that are removed are all of the countless little amoebas invisible to our eyes, nasty little things that you didn't even realize were in there.

you can fill the brita water bottle up at a water fountain. you could even show true bravery and fill it up in a gas station bathroom, and you better believe that water's gonna get clean! but in acquiring this delightful personal filter, it made me desire an actual personal filter.

what if each of us had a built-in filter for our hearts and our mouths? what if everything we were about to say were processed through a filter at the lid before it was able to escape our mouths? what if the flow of our hearts were cleansed before it could reach and affect anyone else?

i imagine that the first time we would fill it up and squeeze out the water, all kinds of black impurities would immediately filter out of it, cleansing the system. and after that initial outpouring, the impurities that were removed would be all of the countless little amoebas invisible to our eyes, nasty things that we didn't even realize were there.

i want to live life as a brita water bottle: filtering every thought before it becomes a word or an action. i want to keep my impurities and imperfections from affecting and hurting someone else. i want to make sure that the water is sanitary instead of questionable. i want to bring light, to bring purity, to bring peace to other lives. i want to make a life-changing purchase that is going to affect the whole course of my existence in the name of the ONE who made a life-changing purchase for me.

so i leave you with this thought: is your water sanitary?

"create in me a clean heart, o GOD, and renew a right spirit within me. cast me not away from your presence, and take not YOUR HOLY SPIRIT from me. restore to me the joy of YOUR salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit." psalm 51:10-12

sunday sunshine: on my way

2011-04-24T11:31:00.000-07:00

the essay

2011-04-16T21:16:00.000-07:00

being the daughter of a minister, i have encountered many questions about my faith during my lifetime. now that i have reached an age where i have made my faith my own, i am constantly asked by people why i choose to worship the way that i do, which ironically has always remained the same. if you would like to know my personal beliefs and opinions, feel free to ask me, and i'll be more than happy to have a discussion with you with an open heart. but i choose to worship the way that i do because i view worship like writing an essay.

worship is just like writing an essay. for the essay, the TEACHER has given a few specific guidelines and directions. the TEACHER has given you a specific topic to write about. HE'S asked that you please type your work. HE'S asked that it be typed in size 12 times new roman font. but HE has not indicated how long HE wants the paper to be or whether HE wants the paper to be single or double-spaced.

HE has given, instead, an example of an A paper. a paper that truly pleased HIM and exemplified what HE wanted. and that essay is 5 pages in length with the lines double-spaced. and although there's no specific guidelines for length and spacing, one can assume that if you write a 5-page, double-spaced essay, the TEACHER is going to be pleased.

and ultimately that's what it's about: pleasing the TEACHER. as much as you might love to write about another subject, the TEACHER has given you a specific topic. as much as you might love to type with a good, ole georgia font, the TEACHER has asked for times new roman. and as much as you might want to cop out and just write a 2-page paper or to keep writing and add extra information, the TEACHER has given an example consisting of 5 pages.

and because you love your TEACHER so much and because you are seeking HIS ways instead of your own, you put HIS wants above yours and do exactly what HE says. not that HE wouldn't be gracious if your paper was only 4 pages. not that HE wouldn't forgive a georgia font. not that you wouldn't receive an A if your paper was single-spaced. but because ultimately you want whatever it is that HE wants in order to write the essay that will bring HIM the most glory.

how to: make a daily difference

2011-04-16T13:00:00.000-07:00

on a regular basis i blink my eyes only to find that another whole month has passed. in the busyness of life, days and weeks fly by without my even noticing. and in that 4-week period that's just passed, i usually find that i didn't meet any of the specific goals that had i set for that month because i didn't appreciate the value of each day.

in 1 month the average person can lose up to 8 pounds. a new habit forms after only 21 days. and in 1 month a person can make marked improvement in overcoming an addiction and transforming his or her life. people can change their appearances, lifestyles, and attitudes in that 1 month that so quickly flashes before our eyes.

in 1 week we're supposed to exercise 4-6 times for 30-60 minute periods. we're recommended to drink 8 glasses of water each day. the general population is supposed to consume 2-3 cups of vegetables and 1-2 cups of fruit each day. we're supposed to take our vitamins. we're supposed to wear our retainers. and we're supposed to moisturize our faces. but soon that month passes, and we feel like failures in every, little area.

and it's because progress in a month comes from appreciating and making the most of every day. living life moment by moment. taking things one step at a time. slowing down and appreciating the view. assessing our current ways of living and dreaming of ways that we can improve. and ultimately, taking action.

in my own life, i have exactly 1 month before i leave for africa to be a missionary and a medical speech pathologist, and with every passing day, i'm realizing the value of this month. and the value of a month makes me appreciate the value of each day and helps me realize just what i want to accomplish in that amount of time. so that being said, this post is about the ways in which i'm personally choosing to make the most of every day, and i hope it inspires you to appreciate every day, too.

how to: make a daily difference

1) wake up 15 minutes earlier. this month i'm going to start waking up 15 minutes earlier, and i'm going to sit on my little porch and drink coffee. in that time i'm going to pray and sing praises to GOD and truly reflect on how HE can use me in that day. i'm going to reflect on all of the wonderful things HE has done for me and ask for the wisdom to recognize opportunities. i believe just those short, extra 15 minutes are going to change the whole course of each day.

2) take control. i feel like a little newsie when i say that now is the time to seize the day! it's time to take inventory of those goals we've been hoping to accomplish but have so easily brushed to the side. i'm tired of the month passing without seeing any progress, and therefore i am going to write down my goals and make them happen. i've learned that writing things down and seeing them brings excellent motivation to actually do them, and it's time to take inventory and to start managing my time and actions in order to reach my dreams.

3) learn to say yes. sometimes it's good to say yes and to become a "yes" person. how many times do we turn offers to go out and to meet new people or to experience a new adventure because we're either too scared or uncomfortable or would rather just sit at home? honestly, the thought of living in africa for 6 weeks is a big concept for me to wrap my mind around, but i know that if i said no i'd be missing out on what is probably going to be one of the most awesome experiences of my life. learning to stretch ourselves and to step out of our comfort zones is what makes us grow and what gives us the ability to handle even more. so when a new and great opportunity presents itself, i'm going to run with it.

4) know when to say no. the opposite of number 3 is knowing when to say no. so many times people and things try to take advantage of our kind spirits and vulnerable hearts. but occasionally saying no when necessary is empowering and appropriate for our self-respect and a healthy life. so that being said, say no to that purchase that is way out of your budget. say no to that individual who is trying to control your life. say no to the chocolate asking to be eaten. say no to that addiction that you are trying to overcome. say no to that decision that you continue to be on the fence about. and know that the difference between a little yes or a little know makes a big difference down the road.

5) make tiny trades. i am the queen of letting a weekend pass by without getting anything done because i allowed it to fill up with the things i'd rather do. had i just decided to make a few, tiny exchanges, i know i wouldn't be up until midnight during the week writing papers. therefore i'm going to start making tiny trades like trading 30 minutes of tv for 30 minutes of exercise. paying for purchases with cash instead of a card. packing my lunch every day instead of buying it. doing homework at my desk instead of the living room. eating healthier foods instead of my beloved carbohydrates. i believe that tiny, little trades are going to make a huge impact along the way.

6) form daily rituals. 21 days is a short amount of time, especially when you have a checklist marking every, single day off. i want to purposefully change up my habits, letting go of the bad ones and replacing them with the excellent. i think forming daily rituals that make up a daily routine is healthy is ridding yourself of those not-so-great choices. so take those vitamins. make your bed. moisturize your face. wear that retainer. start the morning with scripture. work that elliptical. and find the things you love to do and do them every day.

7) make clean breaks. when it comes to making a decision, i am a very hasty decider. for the most part, i know myself very well and can pretty much tell immediately how i feel about something. but it's the second guessing that gets me every time. i'll make a great decision only to question it just a few hours later, but no more. from now on i want to make a decision, feel good about it, and move on. no more limbo. no more gray area. no more holding on. i'm choosing to decide and go. i believe that making clean breaks, letting go of our mistakes, and moving forward is how we truly make progress.

8) stand your ground. after performing #8 it's time to stand our ground. whether it's in sticking with a decision to break away from something or in deciding to say yes, standing ground and showing confidence in ourselves in imperative to making a difference in our lives. when we make our decisions based on pleasing the LORD, it is the best justification in the world for anyone who would question what we decide. show your self respect. solidify your goals and commitment to change. keep saying no to the chocolate. tough it out. keep going strong. and stand firm!

9) give 30 minutes away. the most precious gift we could give other people is our time. whether it's a child or a significant other, people need to know that we care and that they are deserving of that precious time. therefore, i'm going to start giving 30 minutes away each day to someone that i feel needs it. whether it's treating someone to coffee or being a great study buddy, i want to give another person my undivided attention and appreciation for that tiny fragment of the day.

10) go to bed 15 minutes later. like getting up earlier, these 15 minutes are an extra effort to focus and accomplish just a little more in the day. you can wash those remaining dishes. clean your bathroom floor. read scripture. iron your clothes. pack a lunch. call your brother. and do whatever little things you can get done in those extra 15. and i believe that these tiny 10 things will turn into a day change leading to a week change forming into a month change becoming a life change.

the disciple

2011-04-14T14:18:00.000-07:00

charming children: one story a day of a child i know until i run out. names have been changed to protect the identities of the hysterical. if you have a story that you'd like to contribute, please facebook or email me.

the disciple

to conclude this series of posts about charming children, i'd like to share a story about my brother. my brother is 2 years older than i am and has been my very best friend for my whole life. i have imitated and followed him ever since i can remember because he has always been a man of character and godliness, even from a very young age.

as a result of watching home videos with my family over christmas break, we discovered the true identities of little christopher and little charissa. when daddy asked little charissa whom she loved most in the world, she replied saying, "ME!" go figure.

but when watching little christopher, evidence of the godly example he is today was shown even at the age of 4 when the following conversation took place on camera...

christopher: hey daddy, can you ask me who the best boy in the world is?
daddy: christopher, who is the best boy in the world?
(there is a pause where you the viewer think that little christopher has just set up the perfect opportunity to compliment himself, but in a moment that catches you totally off guard he says...)
christopher: GOD!
(giggles from everyone follow)

the very name christopher means "bearing CHRIST," and even at the age of 4 he was a little disciple who would one day become the amazing man of GOD that he is today. :)

the dreamer

2011-04-13T12:49:00.000-07:00

charming children: one story a day of a child i know until i run out. names have been changed to protect the identities of the hysterical. if you have a story that you'd like to contribute, please facebook or email me.

the dreamer

one day on the drive home from school, a little 6-year-old girl whom i was babysitting told me what she's looking for in a future spouse. this is how the conversation went down.
ellie: charissa, do you know what you're looking for in a husband, because i do!
me: please tell me!
ellie: well, he has to have good hair. i mean, hair's important.
me: for sure.
ellie: and he has to be a good dresser. i mean, he's gotta have good clothes.
me: definitely!
ellie: and absolutely no tattoos! tattoos are a NO!
me: good thinking!
ellie: but really, he just has to really, really, really love GOD. and that's really all that matters.
me: never forget that for as long as you live.

the patriot

2011-04-12T13:56:00.000-07:00

charming children: one story a day of a child i know until i run out. names have been changed to protect the identities of the hysterical. if you have a story that you'd like to contribute, please facebook or email me.

the patriot

little hezekiah certainly is one in a million. one day his kindergarten class got a new student, and hezekiah absolutely did not approve of this little stranger. this is what he had to say about it (keep in mind that he substitutes /l/ and /r/ with /w/ (light = white; red = wed)):

client: oh my goodness gwacious! he is getting on my wast nerves!
me: who is, hezekiah?
client: we got this new, wittle boy in kindergarten, and he is dwiving me up the wall!
me: well, tell me about it. what's going on?
client: well, he won't talk to us or pway with us. he just sits in the corner and cwies! and do you know the worst part, miss chawissa?
me: please tell me!
client: (beating his fist on the table) he won't... pwedge awegiance... to... the... FWAG!

the sparkler

2011-04-11T17:05:00.000-07:00

charming children: one story a day of a child i know until i run out. names have been changed to protect the identities of the hysterical. if you have a story that you'd like to contribute, please facebook or email me.

the sparkler

another precious little girl whom i've babysat didn't realize what was happening the first time she discovered her foot falling asleep. she immediately notified her mom and her big sister of this strange and bizarre feeling, wanting to know if she was going to survive. she described the strange little tingles, and her big sister explained that when they happen we say that our foot's "falling asleep." but that was not the way that she saw it, and she said:

"i don't think it's falling asleep, i believe it's sparkling!"

the puritan

2011-04-10T11:16:00.000-07:00

charming children: one story a day of a child i know until i run out. names have been changed to protect the identities of the hysterical. if you have a story that you'd like to contribute, please facebook or email me.

the puritan

one day in 3rd grade mrs. collins was teaching about sectionalism which is the idea of loyalty to the interests of someone's region or section of the country, rather than the nation as a whole. they were learning about america and how the states are broken up into sections, and mrs. collins kept using the term "sectionalism" so that they would learn the new concept.

many of the children caught onto the concept very quickly, but mrs. collins soon noticed one little girl with a flushed face and a raised hand who was misinterpreting the word "sectionalism" for something else. when called upon, this is what she had to say in regards to sectionalism: "mrs. collins, my mommy and daddy told me that such things were only to be talked about in the home."

the singer

2011-04-09T12:50:00.000-07:00

charming children: one story a day of a child i know until i run out. names have been changed to protect the identities of the hysterical. if you have a story that you'd like to contribute, please facebook or email me.

the singer

in my semester of being a speech therapist at an elementary school we had this one little boy. we'll call him martin. the thing about little martin was that he wasn't so little. he was 20 pounds heavier than i am and in the 2nd grade. he was completely adorable, and his round little face displayed huge dimples every time he smiled.

and martin stuttered. but the cute thing about his stutter was that it didn't happen all of the time. he would say, "b-b-b-b-but...," trying to start a sentence but then would tell you what was happening by saying with perfect fluency, "sometimes i stutter."

one day we took hefty, little martin out to play on the playground. he came up and asked me if i would push him on the merry-go-round. so i stretched some before taking on such a great feat and began to push that thing. and a few seconds after the merry-go-round started rotating, this is what martin sang to me with perfect fluency and absolutely no speech errors: "you spin me right round, baby, right round..."

the critical thinker

2011-04-08T08:59:00.000-07:00

charming children: one story a day of a child i know until i run out. names have been changed to protect the identities of the hysterical. if you have a story that you'd like to contribute, please facebook or email me.

the critical thinker

i've been in the babysitting business since the age of 12, and in that time i've discovered some truly hysterical children. this child is up there for possibly the most hysterical child i've ever been asked to watch. we'll call her rebecca.

rebecca is a 5 year old in preschool and completely full of life. she is the child where you have to filter and edit what she's going to say because she's just about capable of saying anything. she's extremely smart and forms her own opinions and ways of doing things very naturally. and one day this past fall, little rebecca received a little pumpkin.

and she was so excited to receive this little pumpkin! her teacher had given it to her at school, and she was so happy that she carried it around everywhere that she went. and she loved it so much that she decided to place it on the nightstand beside her bed when it was time for her to go to sleep.

but in the middle of the night, her mother woke up to the sound of little rebecca crying. her mom walked in her room and quickly observed that rebecca had removed all of her clothing with the exception of her underwear because the room was hot. so her mother went to her bed to help calm her down. she felt rebecca's forehead, but there was no sign of a fever. and so she decided to pick her up, and when she picked her up, she discovered rebecca had a wet little bottom.

frustrated by the thought of rebecca having had an accident, her mom took her into the bathroom to assess the situation. and upon removing rebecca's panties, she discovered...the pumpkin.

clearly, rebecca had put the pumpkin in her underwear in the middle of the night where it had splattered, but she was far too tired and delirious to explain her critical thinking and reasoning abilities that night. so as soon as the sun was up, she was summoned to her parents' room for questioning. this is how the conversation went:

mom: rebecca, why did you put your pumpkin in your panties?
rebecca: well, you see, i got really, really hot, and my little pumpkin was really, really cold. and so i put my pumpkin in my panties to cool myself off.
mom: rebecca, we don't put our pumpkins in our panties.

extreme body heat + cold little pumpkin = sweet relief

the prayer warrior

2011-04-07T05:43:00.000-07:00

charming children: one story a day of a child i know until i run out. names have been changed to protect the identities of the hysterical. if you have a story that you'd like to contribute, please facebook or email me.

the prayer warrior

little colton likes to occasionally lead the class prayer in my mom's class. she likes to keep them updated and current with what's going on in the world, and so she recently explained the situation going on in japan. they learned about earthquakes and tsunamis and ways that they can help japan.

well, little colton, the prayer warrior, was very concerned about japan and decided to pray for them. this is what he said:

"dear LORD, please be with the people of japan right now. be with those who went through the earthquake. and be with those who went through the salami."

the salesman

2011-04-06T05:37:00.000-07:00

charming children: one story a day of a child i know until i run out. names have been changed to protect the identities of the hysterical. if you have a story that you'd like to contribute, please facebook or email me.

the salesman

as some of you know, i've been proposed to several times at this point in my life. he was 5 and i was 6, and these events took place in the foyer of the church building where my dad preached in nashville.

his name was nathan, and periodically, either before or after worship, he would find me, fall to his knees, and before GOD and all who were present ask me to be his wife. and i would always tell him no without a moment's hesitation. i just couldn't trust little 5-year-old nathan, and i'll tell you why.

nathan was the associate minister's son, and so our families would get to the church building much earlier than everyone else. and in that time nathan in his wisdom learned that he could make an excellent living by being a salesman. so in the 30 minutes before worship started, nathan went into business selling...the church bulletin.

he would run to the stack of bulletins before the people who were really supposed to pass them out could get all of them. and then he would plant himself several feet in front of the closest adult handing them out and sell his copies for a quarter a piece.

i have no idea how much money nathan made from selling bulletins. i sometimes wonder if he was saving up to buy me a ring pop, but i know for certain that he wasn't putting that money in the offering plate. and i just could not bind myself to an unjust salesman.

the charmer

2011-04-05T06:44:00.000-07:00

charming children: one story a day of a child i know until i run out. names have been changed to protect the identities of the hysterical. if you have a story that you'd like to contribute, please facebook or email me.

the charmer

my mom teaches 3rd grade and has had some of the funniest children of all time. one of those children was a little boy. we'll call him evan.

evan is one of the most unique and hilarious little boys i have ever met. i'm fairly positive he is a little man trapped in a short, little boy's body. he's funny. he's charming. he's got it going on. he has never known a stranger. he says whatever he thinks. he struts down the hall. he calls girls "girlfriend." and if you were to ask him what his job is, he would say that he's here to "keep it real."

so that being said, this little man in 3rd grade was quite the charmer. he was always surrounded by a swarm of ladies and was always thinking of clever things to say. but when valentine's day approached, he had his sights set on only one woman: my mom.

and who can really blame him? she's adorable! so while all of the other children were going to the store and getting valentines for each other, he had something much bigger in the works. and so when valentine's day finally came and the other children were exchanging their little pieces of paper, he approached the desk of mrs. collins with the confidence of romeo. and whether he just couldn't find the words to express the deep love in his heart or whether he thought his valentine would be the perfect spark to an everlasting love, he handed my mother a musical card. and when she opened the card, what song did she hear?

"when a man loves a woman."

the negotiators

2011-04-04T05:42:00.000-07:00

charming children: one story a day of a child i know until i run out. names have been changed to protect the identities of the hysterical. if you have a story that you'd like to contribute, please facebook or email me.

the negotiators

my cousin leslie sent me this one, and i absolutely love it! if you haven't seen this video yet, you're in for a treat. i love that toddlers have the ability to still communicate and to fully understand their own language that we as adults will never be able to comprehend. enjoy!

<a href="http://video.msn.com/?mkt=en-US&from=sp&vid=74df78bc-a25f-4ae3-a59b-c1a4b128d6e2" target="_new" title="Twin Baby Boys Have In-Depth Discussion">Video: Twin Baby Boys Have In-Depth Discussion</a>

special thanks to: leslie cossitt

the commentator

2011-04-03T08:19:00.000-07:00

charming children: one story a day of a child i know until i run out. names have been changed to protect the identities of the hysterical. if you have a story that you'd like to contribute, please facebook or email me.

the commentator

i have a very good friend named r.c., and r.c. is a part of a wonderful group here at school called the pied pipers (pictured above). it is a group, composed of many of my friends, that travels all around the world performing for children. they tell stories. they do stunts. they sing songs. and really they just bring pure joy to the hearts of children and to my heart, too.

they were doing a show for a group of children one day when r.c. decided to ask the children what their favorite animals were. now r.c. is an african american male with light brown skin and lots of freckles, so to give them an example he said, "my favorite animal is a cheetah because it has spots like i do."

later in the show, a little boy decided to commentate on their performance. he raised his hand and said, "i like the brown piper with the spots!"

special thanks to: r.c. tucker

the confident

2011-04-02T08:34:00.000-07:00

charming children: one story a day of a child i know until i run out. names have been changed to protect the identities of the hysterical. if you have a story that you'd like to contribute, please facebook or email me.

i have shared some of these stories in "my top 10 moments of therapy," but they are just too cute not to be shared again.

the confident

hezekiah will go in the hall of fame of my favorite children of all time. of course that's not his real name, but his real name is just that great. he was a tiny redheaded kindergartener who had more personality than i've ever seen for such a tiny, little person. he substituted /l/ and /r/ with /w/ (light = white, red = wed), and i was his speech therapist last year.

one day out of sheer curiosity, i decided to ask him his full name. i mean, with a first name like hezekiah, the rest had got to be pretty elaborate. the conversation went like this (with speech errors included):
me: what's your full name?
client: hezekiah ezekiel edward hicks.
me: wow, that's a regal name!
client: it is wegal! they knew they needed a hezekiah in this town, so here i am!

and let me assure you, the world needs hezekiah.

the believer

2011-04-01T06:33:00.000-07:00

charming children: one story a day of a child i know until i run out. names have been changed to protect the identities of the hysterical. if you have a story that you'd like to contribute, please facebook or email me.

i came up with this idea because i work with children every day, and they are a group of people unlike any other. they laugh at everything. they are brutally honest. and they don't mean to be funny but are often completely hilarious. in the past few years, i have been writing all of my stories down to keep forever. i recently found the list of them and wondered why i wasn't sharing them with you. so without further ado, today begins my "charming children" tribute, and i wouldn't do it true justice if i didn't start it off with a story of my own little self (pictured above with my brother). i call this one...

the believer

little charissa was something else. actually, she was exactly like current charissa but in a tinier body. she loved to play dress up and to wear her mother's heels all around the house. she played the piano with her toes. she cried and chased minnie mouse down when she tried to get away at disney world. she did not know a stranger and would talk to everyone she met. she knew at 2 years of age exactly what to do to annoy her brother. and apparently she also took things very literally.

i know that she took things literally because when she was 3 years old, charissa's parents told her that smoking was very bad for you and that if you smoked you could die. she absolutely believed them. but instead of understanding that they meant eventually, she thought smoking meant instantaneous and immediate death. and one day she demonstrated her belief.

that day they took her to the grocery store where a poor man was smoking outside. immediately upon seeing that cigarette, which she believed to be the stick of death, she froze in her tracks. she stood completely still and stared up at the man in complete terror. she just stood there for a few moments, watching every move the man made with her big eyes. her parents came up to her and asked, "charissa, what are you doing?" and she replied:

"i'm waiting for him to die."

march quotes

2011-04-01T06:01:00.000-07:00

1) "if hugs were leaves, i'd give you a tree. if kisses were water, i'd give you the ocean. if smiles were rocks, i'd give you a mountain. if laughs were sand, i'd give you a desert. if tears were stars, i'd give you a galaxy. if frowns were petals, i'd give you a garden. if feelings were time, i'd give you eternity. if words were feelings, i'd give you my heart. if friendship were life, i would give you mine." bradley lester

2) "ability is of little account without opportunity." lucille ball

3) "never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary." oscar wilde

4) "have a heart that never hardens, a temper that never tires, and a touch that never hurts." charles dickens

5) "if it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. it's the hard that makes it great." tom hanks

6) "give a girl the right shoes, and she can conquer the world." bette midler

7) "when you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on." franklin d. roosevelt

8) "take the first step in faith. you don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step." martin luther king, jr.

9) "f.r.i.e.n.d.s.: (f)ight for you. (r)espect you. (i)nvolve you. (e)ncourage you. (n)eed you. (d)eserve you and (s)tand by you." unknown

10) "take one new day. add one smile. stir in laughter. sprinkle generously with love. bake gently for 24 hours. enjoy moment and repeat again." unknown

the 10 things i wish i had known

2011-03-30T21:46:00.000-07:00

a year or so ago i was asked to come back and speak to an all girls' bible class at the school i went to in alabama. the lovely lady who asked me to come asked that i speak about the things that i wish i had known in middle school and high school that would have influenced and made a difference in the things i worried about, the choices i made, and ultimately my whole life. therefore, i came up with "the 10 things i wish i had known" and shared it with those beautiful girls, and i'd like to share it now with you...

the 10 things i wish i had known...

1) the only boy who doesn’t have cooties is your daddy.
• “boys are beyond the range of anybody's sure understanding, at least when they are between the ages of 18 months and 90 years.” james thurber (aka a boy)
• point: concentrate on friendships; only 1 out of 20 high school relationships lasts a lifetime; it just won't last; book: dateable.

2) act your age, not your shoe size...especially if your shoe size is 18.
• point: i wish i hadn't been in such a hurry to grow up; enjoy your freedom/the easy life while it lasts; with age comes responsibility, which is good and bad; don't wish it away.

3) you’re never too young to make a difference.
• 1 timothy 4:12 “don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.”
• “be the change you wish to see in the world.” ghandi
• point: be what you wish to see; because you are in an environment where you learn about GOD every day, you have the opportunity to be an example to others who haven't learned as much; be the type of girl that is modest, uses good language, and the type whom people admire; book: how to win friends and influence people for teenage girls.

4) words hurt worse than sticks.
• “the tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. it corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.” james 3:6
• “do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up.” ephesians 4:29
• point: words damage; “sticks and stones…” = bunch of bunk; words are lasting, whether positive or negative; if you say something about someone, expect her to find out about it; it takes 10 positive comments to override 1 negative; someone might say things in a moment of anger that you might never forget, and you could do the same.

5) make friends with your parents now or prepare to be enemies.
• colossians 3:20 “children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the LORD.”
• point: 7 years war – age 14 to 21; if you learn from your parents' mistakes you can save yourself the heartache of making those mistakes yourself; a lesson earned is much harder to learn; despite what you might think, your parents are kind of smart and actually might want the best for you.

6) you are…who you spend time with.
• 1 corinthians 15:34 “do not be misled: ‘bad company corrupts good character.’ “
• “tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who you are.” unknown
• “i am a friend to all who fear YOU, to all who follow YOUR precepts.” psalm 119:63
• point: you become whom you surround yourself with; you say the same things at the same time and like the same things; don’t expect to bring someone up, expect to be brought down; only be close friends with people who fear the LORD.

7) be still and know…yourself.
• “be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” dr. seuss
• "dance like no one is watching. sing like no one is listening. love like you've never been hurt, and live like it's heaven on earth." mark twain
• points: don't define yourself by what you do (sports, activities, etc.) but by WHOSE you are; take time to know yourself (favorite color, drink, quirks, etc.); if someone doesn't like you for who you are they don't matter; accept other people for what makes them special; everyone is "weird" in his/her own way.

8) the hardest and best thing you could ever say is “i’m sorry.”
• “my dear brothers, take note of this: everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” james 1:19
• “a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” proverbs 15:1
• point: this is something i struggle with; we must accept responsibility for the things we have done/do instead of blame someone else; saying i'm sorry and forgiving makes healing happen faster; some people will never apologize for the wrong things they've done to us, but we must forgive them anyway.

9) decisions determine destiny.
• “shoot for the moon, and if you miss you will still be among the stars.” les brown
• “life is partly what we make it, and partly what it is made by the friends we choose.” tennessee williams
• point: who you spend time with, how hard you study, what activities you participate in, etc. all determine where you go and what you do; every decision affects your direction; small decisions made in these years will determine where you go to college, whom you marry, etc.; bad decisions have bad consequences; be the best you can be and don't get discouraged book: technical virgin.

10) there is only one constant in life...GOD.
• “now listen, you who say, "today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. what is your life? you are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. instead, you ought to say, "if it is the LORD'S will, we will live and do this or that." james 4:13-15
• “set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. for you died, and your life is now hidden with CHRIST in GOD.” colossians 3:2-3
• “delight yourself in the LORD, and HE will give you the desires of your heart.” psalm 37:4
• point: i lost one of my best friends at 16; we are not promised tomorrow; like job, GOD will spare us nothing to draw us closer to HIM; nothing matters besides our relationship with GOD, and it doesn't matter what happens to us; when you are baptized, you die to yourself (your sinful desires) and must give it all up for the ONE you love.

a moment like this

2011-03-29T19:15:00.000-07:00

"life is too short. grudges are a waste of perfect happiness. laugh when you can. apologize when you should. and let go of what you can’t change. kiss slowly. love deeply. and forgive quickly. take chances. give everything. and have no regrets. life is too short to be unhappy. you have to take the good with the bad. smile when you're sad. love what you got. and always remember what you had. always forgive but never forget. learn from your mistakes. but never regret. people change and things go wrong. but always remember: life goes on!" unknown

this past monday night was just a normal night like any other. i had been busy scoring tests and writing reports over at school and decided to call my parents when i got home. they were driving around dallas on a trip to visit my brother and started telling me all about their day. i was sitting at my kitchen table finishing some work, and we were laughing hysterically as we exchanged funny stories of the children in our lives. and that's when it happened...

that's when i heard every detail of the crash. the screeching of tires. the sound of another car slamming into theirs. the sound of my mom crying, "oh, we've been hit!"

and a thousand thoughts began racing in my mind. i felt completely helpless, not having any clue of the extent of what had just happened. but i stayed on the phone, praying, until i heard my mom repeating some letters and numbers over and over again. what were these numbers? why was she repeating them? and that's when i realized that the man who had just slammed into my parents' car...was driving away.

and then a new emotion took over: sheer anger. i would later learn that this man rear-ended my parent's car with his truck, going 50 miles an hour, and then drove away not caring whether they lived or died. and in that moment of helplessness, being 6 hours away. in that moment of madness, not knowing what had just happened. and in that moment of anger, wanting to do something to defend my parents against this criminal, i used the only tool that i had to use: my memory.

my mom and i kept repeating his license plate number over and over again together until we had it firmly in our brains. we both wrote it down, and she gave it to the police who were able to learn where the man lives. and he'll have his jail time to think about whether driving away was his best decision.

my parents ended up walking away from the crash with nothing more than whiplash and soreness. their car was totaled with the trunk of the car completely being crushed. and when the tow truck got there, the man driving it said that it was a wonder they were alive.

and this moment. these few seconds. this normal monday. it was a literal wake-up call that totally changed my life. suddenly nothing mattered to me except that everyone i loved and cared about was safe. suddenly any arguments or previous conflicts were meaningless. suddenly school work or bills or weekend plans or any other issues simply didn't matter.

it's amazing how we live, so unaware of the days passing by. weeks go by in the blink of an eye, but suddenly when confronted with tragedy, every second becomes critically important. our fast-paced lives turn into slow-motion moments, and we wait on pins and needles not knowing the outcome. suddenly we pray. suddenly we regret. suddenly we apologize. suddenly we forgive. suddenly we love.

and our lives are defined and determined by these moments. the almost or complete tragedies that we encounter in life completely change our perspective of it. these moments teach us to apologize when we need to and to not allow any unnecessary arguments. they teach us to forgive quickly and to realize that at any moment we might never be able to say "i'm sorry" or "i love you" or "you're wonderful" ever again. and they teach us to love deeply and unconditionally and to do whatever we can for the ones we love.

today i hugged my parents, and i'm not sure i've ever appreciated the opportunity more. i now understand the importance of a day. the importance of an hour. the importance of a moment that can totally change lives. and it is my new ambition to live every day as if i might experience a moment like this.

"let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger." james 1:19

brain power: the limbic system

2011-03-27T13:47:00.000-07:00

the brain is divided into the following lobes: the frontal lobe, the parietal lobe, the temporal lobe, and the occipital lobe. the frontal lobe, as previously mentioned, is primarily responsible for attention, motivation, judgment, decision, and reasoning. the parietal lobe is primarily responsible for perception of touch, orientation in space, awareness of body parts, and organization. the temporal lobe is primarily responsible for short-term memory, receptive language, auditory perception, and language comprehension. and the occipital lobe is primarily responsible for vision. but deep within the brain lies another "lobe" responsible for our hormones, responses, and emotions known as the limbic system.

the limbic lobe is often known as the emotional brain due to being composed of various structures that dictate and control our emotions. the amygdala, as we discussed before, is responsible for the feeling of fear. the hippocampus is responsible for learning and memory. the cingulate gyrus dictates our ability to pay attention. feelings of sadness, anger, frustration, joy, or excitement are all processed through the limbic system. and as jill bolte taylor wrote in her book my stroke of insight, "although many of us may think of ourselves as thinking creatures that feel, biologically we are feeling creatures that think."

as human beings, feelings and emotions are a big part of who we are. they can change in a matter of minutes. they can influence the course of a day. they can determine our whole mindset and outlook on life. and we can begin a day on cloud 9 and end it at our wits' end all because of the changes that take place in the limbic system of our brain.

the most fascinating part about the limbic lobe is that it is known as the "old" brain because it is the only area of the brain that does not change despite our age. in other words, it remains the same and retains the same characteristics whether we are a child or an adult. so that being said, the emotional part of our brain never "matures," meaning that emotionally we maintain the ability to respond to situations in the exact same way we did when we were 2 years old.

which perfectly explains why we can experience a whole range of emotions through the course of a day. it explains why someone can tell us something, and our only response is to burst into tears. it explains why in our lowest moments we just want to curl up on the couch in the fetal position. it explains why adults sometimes experience temper tantrums. and it explains why even as adults naptime is so important.

and while many of us will find this thought of keeping our immature emotional responses totally frustrating, i believe that GOD created our limbic system to remain the same for a purpose. while it doesn't excuse our bad behavior, it keeps a portion of our childhood inside of us so that we will never stop learning HIS lessons. first, GOD loves children, and despite our age we will always be HIS children. HE tells us that if any of us want to inherit HIS kingdom, we must be like little children. the limbic lobes of our brains keep us childlike forever.

second, GOD expects there to be times in our lives when we will weep. when we will mourn. when we will feel weak. when we will feel small. and when we will need an outlet to let those feelings go. HE allows us the same refuge of crying and responding to situations to set our hearts free in the same way that we have for our entire lives.

and third, GOD lets us remain children to know our need for our FATHER. our limbic lobes humble us to better understand that we will always need to rely on GOD for our every need. they remind us that we have a COMFORTER who is able to understand every human experience that we might undergo. and they better help us cope with our humanity, our ugliness, and our shortcomings.

so use your limbic system to set yourself free. cry. laugh. hurt. smile. grieve, celebrate. explore your emotion. understand your immaturity. be humbled. give yourself the benefit of the doubt. and embrace the child within.

"and he said: 'truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.'" matthew 18:3

sunday sunshine: 4 laughing babies

2011-03-27T11:18:00.000-07:00

wild expectation

2011-03-23T19:19:00.000-07:00

"nobody succeeds beyond his or her wildest expectations unless he or she begins with some wild expectations." ralph charell

one of my favorite case studies of human beings is the pygmalion or rosenthal effect. it refers to the phenomenon that with greater expectation comes greater performance. it states that if we believe that someone is capable of achieving greatness, then that person will indeed achieve that greatness. in other words, if we believe in another person's potential, it creates that potential. they will achieve what we believe.

this theory was tested in 1968 when robert rosenthal and lenore jacobson worked with children from 18 classrooms in an elementary school. they chose 20% of the children from each room totally at random but told the teachers that they were choosing the "intellectual bloomers" in each class and combining them into special classes.

the teachers were told that these students were brilliant. that they were geniuses. that they were the best in the school. and with that information, the teachers were told that they were specially assigned to and entrusted with the welfare and care of such brilliant, little minds for the next school year. and they were told that these children should demonstrate remarkable achievement during the next year.

and believe it or not, the children all started achieving. they raised their IQ points in verbal ability, reasoning, and overall IQ. they started performing as brilliant little people. geniuses. the best in the school.

and it wasn't until the end of the year and the end of the experiment that the teachers were informed that these students were totally chosen at random just like all of the other children in the school, and that they as their special teachers were chosen randomly, too.

as human beings, we have the deep need to expect. to achieve. to drive. to dream. to set goals. to meet standards. to please others. to show. to prove. to impress. to succeed. to win. to conquer.

but in setting expectations for ourselves and for others, we have to take a few things into consideration. in choosing what expectations we are going to give and to give into, we ultimately have to decide the source of the expectation.

there are many good things in life, and there are many good expectations. expectations from our families set the course of our lives. expectations from our teachers determine our careers. expectations from our friends guide the choices that we make. and the level of the standards and expectations that are placed on us determines the level of our performance.

but as my friend jackie kendall said, "the good in life often becomes the enemy of the best." there are many good expectations, but unless those standards are in correspondence with what the BEST wants, then they aren't worth living up to and achieving. if we are constantly trying to live up to expectations that aren't created by GOD, those goals just aren't worth pursuing.

and how many times do we get caught up in the expectations that other people set for us? how many times do we find ourselves living according to the regulations of someone else instead of truly living a life? how many times do we find ourselves not trying to please GOD but trying to please another? how many decisions do we make or not make, not because they wouldn't bring HIM glory but because they wouldn't satisfy someone else?

what if every choice we made was to meet the best expectation? what if before making any decision we asked ourselves if it would meet JESUS' expectation even if defied the expectations of others? and what if we truly lived a life of wild expectation, abandoning all others except the simple expectation of the UNKNOWN?

my new challenge for myself is to solely pursue the expectation of my CREATOR. the ONE who created my life. the ONE who created my goals. the ONE who painted my dreams. the ONE who created my expectation.

sunday sunshine: love stories

2011-03-20T10:27:00.001-07:00

how to: keep kids kids

2011-03-19T14:45:00.001-07:00

for the past 2 years i have been a student clinician in the field of speech-language pathology. in that time i have worked with around 50 children and learned all about their tiny and important lives. many times i post the adorable and hilarious things that they say. but today i can't help but post some of the reality that i see each day: the reality that we live in a world that is trying to keep kids from being kids.

i am not a parent and cannot pretend that i know the first thing about being successful at parenting. but i am an observer, and more importantly, i'm a huge fighter for the innocence of children. as much as i want to fight off the lisps and stutters and troubled /r/'s, i just as much want to fight for their rights to be kids. and i see the way the concept of childhood has changed in our country just in the time that i was recently a kid.

i have a unique perspective at this point in my life as many of the children i work with see me as really just a big kid instead of their real speech teacher. so they say things to me that they would never say to a real adult and try to get away with things that they would never try to pull with a real teacher. and in my short lifetime as an SLP wannabe, i've witnessed the following situations that give me concern for the future of our children.

exhibit a: destination: target. mission: purchase monopoly junior. but on my way to the game aisle, i become completely entranced by another aisle. i am immediately overwhelmed and captivated by the magical, wonderful world in front of me: the wonderful world of disney. there, right in front of me, is an entire aisle dedicated to the life and story of every disney princess, and every accessory you could dream of is just waiting to be purchased. and i know that if i am completely engrossed by this aisle, some poor, little toddler doesn't have a prayer.

not only can you purchase each doll individually, but you can purchase the complete set for an arm, a leg, and your spleen.

not only can you purchase the full-grown version of the doll, but you can purchase the doll at every stage of her life. there's baby ariel.

there's toddler ariel.

there's preteen ariel.

and there's full-grown ariel in every outfit imaginable.

but what shocks me most is the little girl at the end of the aisle crying her eyes out, not because she's not getting an ariel doll, but because she's not getting an ariel doll for every stage of ariel's life.

exhibit b: i am greeted by a 3rd grade girl singing the following ke$ha lyrics: "before i leave brush my teeth with a bottle of jack 'cause when i leave for the night i ain't coming back." my soul cries a little as i realize that this bright little girl, the future of america, is singing a trashy song that she hears on the radio every day and learning the lyrics because she likes the beat. my response?
me: little girl, this "jack" whom you sing about, do you know who he is?
little girl: no.
me: do you think it's the jack from "jack and jill?"
little girl: (with shame) no.
me: do you think this jack fellow is the one from "jack and the beanstalk?"
little girl: (with more shame) no.
me: then if we don't know who jack is, we're not going to sing about him, and we're certainly not going to brush our teeth with him."
jack was never mentioned again.

exhibit c: my favorite therapy session of the day. the game? candy land. the clients? 2 little 5-year-old girls and the most adorable 5-year-old boy, all in kindergarten. they are just old enough to understand the concept of candy land and to realize that grandma nutt just isn't as great as queen frostine. so naturally, the game can get very competitive, and right in the heat of the competition, the little boy accidentally places his game piece on the wrong spot and lets out the "s" word. i am completely blown away and trying to maintain composure as i'm realizing that this little person actually just cursed. that this little 5-year-old boy is saying a word that i've never said in my entire life. in kindergarten, the only "f" word i knew was friday, and the only "s" word i knew was santa. needless to say, therapy for that day was immediately postponed, and those 3 tiny people learned a much more important lesson than how to correctly say /r/.

therefore, from the perspective of a non-parent, SLP-in-training, i give you...

how to: keep kids kids

1) turn the tv off. in my limited experience i have learned that no valuable lesson ever came from the mouth of hannah montana. icarly, phineas and ferb, and even tom and jerry are not educators or role models. they are fillers that we give children to occupy their time while we're busy doing something else. nickelodeon, the disney channel, and cartoon network are dangerously close to mtv and vh1 on every tv i've ever seen. and we don't realize that those few minutes of sassy dialogue between hannah montana and lilly are being recorded in that little person's brain to be repeated the next day at school. if it's not something that is going to make a little person a better person, it's not worth a second glance.

2) change the radio station. i personally can't listen to the radio today without getting embarrassed. even if the lyrics don't have explicit language, the innuendos and messages that they convey simply cannot be missed. and those graphic and obvious messages are being played and processed in a tiny, little head of a person who is still forming and growing every day. so if it's not encouraging or uplifting, it's not worth hearing.

3) just be there. tiny trouble-makers tend to have one common bond: their parents and caretakers are not usually around to stop them. whether the parents are just plain neglectful or have the best of intentions in working constantly to provide a better life for their families, they're simply not there to monitor, guide, investigate, or discipline. and they seem to not be able to understand why their children are misbehaving and trying to get away with such bad behavior at school. so we simply need to be there. we need to let children know that we have their numbers and will call them at any time of the day. and also to let them know that they can call us at any time of the day with anything on their hearts.

4) read a book. the smartest girl i've ever known was my high school debate partner and dear college friend, kelsey. she didn't score a 35 on the ACT because she watched tv every day. she did it because her mom was kind enough to replace her tv with a book, and lots of them. because she chose to read for her whole life, she has succeeded in every academic pursuit she's ever attempted. and though i'm sure she wasn't always happy with her life without tv, i can guarantee that she's completely satisfied with the beautiful life that she's created.

5) say "no." while i felt a brief second of pity for the little girl crying over ariel in the disney aisle, i really wanted to run up to her mom and just give her a really big hug for saying no. she had just accomplished saying the single hardest word to say to a child. the fact that the girl was crying so hard told me that there had been many previous yeses, but this no was certainly a victory. and every no is a victory. while the occasional yes is perfectly acceptable, it's the no that keeps a child from becoming a rotten, spoiled, narcissistic adult.

6) build a fort. i'll never forget the birthdays where my brother and i, instead of playing with the toys we had just received, would play for hours with the cardboard boxes. we'd sail down the hallway in our cardboard ships. we'd build elaborate forts with sheets hanging down from bunk beds and across the boxes. and our parents soon realized that they could have just gotten us some free cardboard instead of gifts and we would have been perfectly satisfied. that being said, we need to spend less money and spend more time doing the simple things like building forts. it's the free stuff that no money could ever buy.

7) ask questions. little people are so unique and special. some like dogs. some hate green beans. some can say the alphabet backwards. some can't tie their shoes. some tell you if you're having a bad hair day even if you didn't ask. and they are tiny vessels of information just waiting to be asked all kinds of questions. as they get older, knowing about them becomes even more important. knowing their favorite colors and their favorite foods is important. knowing their greatest accomplishments and their greatest fears is important. knowing who their friends are and what they like to do is important. and knowing the adults in their life and who they are spending time with is incredibly important. so ask.

8) be a role model. the worst feeling in the world as a speech pathologist is when i say something that i shouldn't right in front of a little child. either my tongue slips or i don't think, and this impressionable, little person just hears something that he or she shouldn't know. and the truth is that i can never expect the tiny person i'm treating to become something that i'm not. i have to be the exact example of what i want that individual to be. every single person, whether we are 5 or 95, needs a role model to give us hope and a challenge of what we can become. so we all must be living proof that dreams can be achieved.

9) eat dinner at the table. in treating children, i notice a remarkable difference in those children who eat dinner every night at the table with their parents and those who don't. it seems like such a small thing, but i have come to a point where i can almost identify those who do and those who don't. the dinner table is an excellent place for conversation, for negotiation, and for reconciliation. it is the perfect place and setting for discussing everything that might need to be addressed. so whether it's amazing, homecooked spaghetti or drive-through taco bell, we need to come together and eat it at the table.

10) pray together once a day. the power of prayer is so amazing. not only does prayer have power in accomplishing things through GOD'S help, but it also has this unique power to bond the people who are praying together like nothing else can do. the spiritual bond is the strongest. it's what continues friendships and keeps marriages alive. and creating spiritual bonds with children instantly makes them more spiritual beings. it is through the example of prayer that they learn how to make their requests known to GOD and to better make their concerns known to us. and while it would be ideal to pray with them all throughout the day, just praying with them at least once a day can help them in their path through childhood, in a world that is constantly trying to keep kids from being kids.

breakable

2011-03-18T13:37:00.000-07:00

"and we are so fragile, and our cracking bones make noise. and we are just breakable, breakable, breakable girls and boys." ingrid michaelson

"be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." plato

recently, i witnessed 2 opposite events that really gave me an interesting perspective on people. my first story takes place in a room filled with individuals who see each other on a daily basis. they are all christians. they all know each others' families. they all have been friends for years. yet one side of the room was not speaking to the other. they were scattered in little clusters of 3 or 4 people, ignoring those who might be beneath them or those who had ever done anything with which they might not agree. some only spoke to others when forced by the tight space of the room. others intentionally placed themselves in the room so that their backs would be faced to certain people. and i walked into the room as a relative stranger to be welcomed by some and notably shunned by others. they all know me, but they don't know me like they think that they do. i was just a visitor. just a bystander. yet this group of superior people were trying to make me feel less in just the short time that i was there. i stood to the side to watch such big fish swim in such a tiny pond that they truly believed was the atlantic ocean. they bullied, cast aside, rejected others simply with their body language and when forced to speak spoke insincere words with fake smiles. and while it could be assumed that i was in a room of middle school girls, the room was filled with adults all old enough to know better. ironically, they tell others on a regular basis not to demonstrate their same behavior. but the ones who chose to exclude all shared the same sad frown. the same misery. the same inner unhappiness. and though they were obviously shunning me, i couldn't help but want to reach out and to embrace them.

my second story is just the opposite. i was visiting a church in tennessee where i knew less than 10 people in the room. from the minute i went to find a seat, i was embraced. random strangers were coming and greeting me and wanting to know all about my life. but the feeling they gave me couldn't compare to the one i received at the end of the service. in most churches, when the sermon is over and the invitation song is sung, no one goes forward. that long walk down the center aisle is viewed as a walk of shame, and there's nothing really inviting about it. but in this church, people started appearing from nowhere to go forward. before i knew it, the whole front row was almost completely full of people. and soon the second row was filled by people surrounding the others with support. people admitted and confessed their sins and were fully embraced by those around them. it was not a walk of shame but a walk of celebration. and those who chose to embrace all shared the same joyful smile. the same delight. the same inner happiness.

and those 2 situations taught me an invaluable truth: we are all breakable. we are all human. we are all imperfect. no one is superior. no one is better. no one ever attains the right to exclude. or to shun. or to reject. we are all fragile. we all need to be embraced. and we all have the inner need to embrace others.

but we say the most heartless things to and about other people without even thinking. we feel that we have the right to determine the weird, the crazy, the weak, the dumb all because of our own perfection and normalcy. yet we forget the fragility, the humanity, the brokenness of other people because we can't see that same imperfection in ourselves. so we shun. we reject. we cast out. we avoid. we neglect. we walk all over other people to make ourselves feel superior. we look for weakness in other people to make ourselves feel stronger. and we intentionally try to make other people feel inferior to make ourselves feel better.

but everyone is fighting a hard battle. we each carry our own struggles each day, some so evident and apparent and others almost invisible. and we also each individually carry our own pain, and many will never know what that pain is. one carries the loss of a husband. another, the loss of a mother. one carries the burden of cancer. another, the hurt of a miscarriage. one carries the feeling of rejection. another, the continued hurt of betrayal. one carries the burden of knowing that he or she has just done something totally unthinkable, and that person already feels as unforgivable as we could ever hope to make him or her feel.

and there is nothing appealing about us when we choose to prey on the fragility of other people. in our arrogance, we believe that we are doing the rejecting, when in reality it's the weaker, the inferior, the lesser people who are avoiding us because of our pride. and in our attempt to prove just how great we are, we instead prove that we are the true ones in need of love and affection.

but we are so fragile. and we are all fighting a hard, individual battle. and we are just breakable, breakable, breakable girls and boys.

sunday sunshine: the girl effect

2011-03-13T16:53:00.001-07:00

the thorn

2011-03-12T16:43:00.000-08:00

"every rose has its thorn, just like every night has its dawn."

i love roses. i love the way they smell. i love how soft they feel. and i also love their hidden meanings which are determined by their color. red symbolizes love. dark red symbolizes unconscious beauty. white symbolizes purity. pink symbolizes thankfulness. light pink symbolizes sweetness. yellow symbolizes friendship. orange symbolizes enthusiasm. lavender symbolizes enchantment. and each rose is perfectly unique.

but i have yet to find a perfect rose. because every rose i've ever received has had a thorn. every rose, no matter how beautiful, has displayed a tiny threat. and it is bittersweet to hold something so beautiful knowing that it holds something that can bring about so much pain.

in an effort to keep the reality of a rose, some thorns are left untouched, evident to everyone, exposing the danger at hand. but in an effort to try to increase a rose's beauty and appeal, other thorns are removed, giving the impression that the rose is safe. but in my experience there's always that one thorn that is overlooked. that you just can't see. that you thought was gone. that immediately is found by your most sensitive finger.

some thorns are huge, giving their warning of potential pain like a big red flag. they are clearly seen and very easily noticed. and they give an inaudible alert to stay away. other thorns are tiny, almost invisible to our eyes, and they take great effort to find. but the invisible thorns are usually the most dangerous and hurtful of all because we never are able to see their pain coming. and they betray us with their false image of perfection and beauty.

people are like roses. each person is a perfectly unique and beautiful creation. but just like roses, we all have thorns. struggles. imperfections. blemishes. flaws that result in pain.

just like paul, we live with thorns. we carry them with us everywhere we go. they bring us pain when we realize that they make us imperfect, the exact opposite of what the ONE who created us wanted us to be. and they bring others pain by causing them to stumble. by tearing apart their lives. by creating quick and piercing hurt.

in our eyes, some thorns are huge, giving their warning of potential pain like a big red flag. they are clearly seen and very easily noticed. and they give an inaudible alert to stay away. other thorns are tiny, almost invisible to our eyes, and they take great effort to find. but the invisible thorns are usually the most dangerous and hurtful of all because we never are able to see their pain coming. and they betray us with their false image of perfection and beauty.

but in GOD'S eyes, the thorn is a thorn. there is no size. there is no weight. there is no difference. it is a thorn. a struggle. an imperfection. a blemish. a flaw that results in not only our pain but also HIS pain. and HE is the only ONE with the power to remove it.

and like paul, some of us plead for our thorns to be removed. hoping for peace. begging for comfort. striving for perfection. but others choose to give into the thorn, believing that they were intended to have it. not realizing that it was brought about by a choice that was not determined by the CREATOR. not understanding that we roses were not designed to have these thorns.

they say that their thorns were given to them by GOD. that they were meant to carry them. that their thorns are bigger and harder to bear. that they have pleaded with GOD to remove them but HE hasn't. that they will never live a life without the thorns.

and in their surrender, they choose to give into their weakness. to believe the thorn will never be removed. to embrace their struggle. to succumb to their imperfection. to run with their thorns only to bring pain to themselves and others with every step.

but the truth is that our lives on this earth will always contain a thorn. there's always that one that is overlooked. that you just can't see. that you thought was gone. that immediately is found by your most sensitive finger. but the hope is in the fact that JESUS also had a thorn. actually, HE had a whole crown of them. and HE died wearing our thorns. setting us free. allowing our perfection. giving the hope of one day existing without thorns.

therefore, we must live our lives in anticipation of the day when HE will remove the thorn.

"therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, i was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of satan, to torment me. three times i pleaded with the LORD to take it away from me. but HE said to me, 'MY grace is sufficient for you, for MY power is made perfect in weakness.' " 2 corinthians 12:7-9

sunday sunshine: zoei toh

2011-03-06T19:06:00.001-08:00

the discipline of love

2011-03-05T21:38:00.000-08:00

several of you have asked if i was going to write any type of response to the current events here at harding, and what you are about to read is the answer to your question. i write with a complete spirit of love and pray that my words will touch your heart and help us all see a glimpse of the amazing love of GOD.

"delight yourself in the LORD and HE will give you the desires of your heart." psalm 37:4

ever since i was a little girl, i have known that one day i hope to be a wife and a mother. whether it was creating a glamorous wedding scene for barbie and ken or changing my baby doll's diaper, that desire has been instilled in me for as long as i can remember.

and i have worked hard to achieve that desire. i have been a dater now for a good 7 years and am pretty sure i'm about to go pro. i cannot count the number of first dates that i've been on at this point but could write a book using the stories. i've been praying for the man i one day hope to meet since the age of 5. i've made lists, read books, and more importantly read scripture trying to determine the qualities for which i should be looking. and i have been waiting patiently on the LORD to give me this desire of my heart.

and in my patient wait, i have remained pure. at 13 i made a promise to GOD to remain a virgin until the day i marry, and by HIS grace i have kept my promise. i didn't make that promise because i felt like HE would never forgive me if i messed up or because i don't fully accept HIS grace, but simply because it is what HE asked. and because of that commitment i made and the understanding that GOD wants me to save sex for marriage, while honoring my promise has been a challenge, it has never been a question. and i continually pray that HE will give me the strength to fulfill that and the other guidelines of discipline that he has set for my life.

i remember thinking as a little girl that when my parents disciplined me. when they gave me rules. when they gave me boundaries. when they told me no to certain things. that it meant they didn't love me. but as i grew up i realized that they gave me all of those things because they loved me. not to harm me but to bless me. not only because it was right but because it was best for me. and so it is with GOD.

because GOD loves me HE has made it clear that HE doesn't want me to lie. HE doesn't want me to steal. HE doesn't want me to kill anyone. HE doesn't want me to cheat. HE doesn't even want me to joke crudely. HE wants me to take care of my body. HE wants me to marry a boy. HE wants me to save sex for marriage. HE wants me to think about good things. not only because HE'S perfect. not only because HE'S jealous. but because HE wants what's best for me.

and that is the discipline of love. to give guidelines. to give rules. to give boundaries in order to give the best. to love someone so much that you put that person above yourself. and to see when the decisions he or she is making are not only not what GOD wants but essentially not what is best for that person.

sometimes i feel that when i love people i have to approve of and encourage everything that they do, but by definition that is not love. when we condone behavior that is clearly displeasing to the LORD, we are not loving GOD and certainly not loving the person whom we are condoning. love disciplines. love gives rules. love gives boundaries. love says no to certain things.

i have also noticed that every time i try to justify my own questionable behavior. every time i use or omit certain scriptures to my advantage. every time i try to create confusion or gray area, it is because i'm trying to please myself and not GOD. it is seeking my own desires above HIS. and it is ultimately loving myself more than loving HIM. and life is simply too short and heaven simply too wonderful to let any earthly, temporary, meaningless pleasure sabotage that perfect forever.

so with all of that being said, i continue to patiently wait on the LORD to fulfill my own, personal, earthly desire. to tell you that i don't question if and when it will happen would be to lie. i have remained faithful. i have remained pure. i have prayed on my knees. and yet still i wait. i deeply desire to one day be a wife. i deeply desire to one day be a mother. but above all. above everything else. above any great thing here on this earth. i desire to sit at the right hand of GOD. to take walks with HIM daily. and to enjoy every pleasure of heaven.

i realize that despite my faithfulness, that day may never come. i may never be married. i may never get to have sex. i may never get to hold my own child in my arms. and no amount of my faithfulness or goodness is ever going to grant me those desires. but my identity is not based on my marital status or my sexuality, nor is my happiness. i do not live a life of misery because that desire of my heart has not been filled. and while those things would be wonderful additions to my life, they do not define me. my happiness is dependent on the first part of the verse, not the second because my delight is in the LORD.

so i will continue to wait on the LORD while following in HIS footsteps. i will strive to do everything HE says and not put question marks where HE has clearly put periods just to achieve my own personal benefit. i will realize that no earthly pleasure will ever be worth the exchange of heaven. and if GOD never fulfills this one desire of my heart, i will remain disciplined and pure for life. because that is the discipline of love.

wanting

2011-03-04T08:53:00.000-08:00

"there are two ways of being unhappy; not getting what you want and getting what you want." unknown

it was 7th grade. i had moved to alabama and was just beginning to work through my eliza thornberry/eunice from "she's the man" stage of life. my only comfort was that even though i had to wear my braces and glasses during the day, i only had to wear my headgear at night.

all that being said, i wanted to be popular. i needed to be popular as a last chance for hope, and so i developed a crush on the most popular boy in my grade: a starter on the basketball team and everyone's favorite class clown. i daydreamed constantly about how my whole world would change if he would just ask me out. i envisioned myself becoming a cheerleader and cheering him on in games, going to movies with him and all of his friends, and best of all, wearing a ballgown to homecoming only to sit on uncomfortable bleachers with him and spill nacho cheese on my dress.

and one day, as if by magic, as i was sitting in mr. layman's physical science class, i felt a tap on my arm and found a perfectly folded note by my side. i paused for a moment of silence, realizing that my dream could in fact become a reality in a mere 5 minutes. and there it was, amidst the talk about all of the motorcycles he had recently witnessed driving on the trail of tears and about how he really hoped he passed 7th grade physical science. there it was: "charissa, i like you. will you be my girlfriend?"

and do you have any question of what i did? i responded with a "yes" that filled the remainder of the page. i felt butterflies in my stomach and felt myself radiating with excitement as the realization swept over me: i was his girlfriend. he was my boyfriend. my whole world was about to change. i was about to receive a whole new identity. a brand new me. a whole new way of life.

but as the day began to pass, i started to notice a few things. as happy as i was, i didn't really feel any different than usual. i wasn't any prettier, sweeter, or better than before. middle school girls were still mean. middle school boys were still smelly. the cafeteria food was still questionable. and i realized that despite the excitement, this universe-shattering event was simply not shattering my universe.

i had gotten exactly what i wanted. exactly what i had dreamed of and hoped for. it was a scene straight from a movie: the cute-in-that-nerdy-kind-of-way girl dates the star basketball player to become the head cheerleader and live happily ever after. yet i realized that in my hopes of getting what i wanted, i had created a fictional fairytale that was just that: fiction. and i learned that having a boyfriend to wave to across the cafeteria, to run into in the hallway only to say a quick "hi" and immediately blush and run, and, as my dad liked to call it, to "go out" with but not go anywhere, well, it wasn't what i wanted.

so the very next day, not even a full 24 hours after accepting my new title, i went from being beloved girlfriend to heartless heartbreaker. i remember staying up that night until the late hour of 10:00 to write a full page letter saying things like "it's not you, it's me" and "i'm just not at that place in my life right now." well, of course i wasn't, i was 12!

it was my first confrontation with the question, "i just got exactly what i want, why am i not happy?" the same question that i was confronted with when i finally did become a cheerleader. when i finally got my first boyfriend that i'd keep longer than a day. when i finally got whatever title i was going for or became whatever person i so wanted to be. and i continued to wonder that question until i was introduced to a brand new thought:

"happiness is not having what you want. it is wanting what you have." or as the apostle paul put it, being content regardless of the situation.

now in grad school, i see the same concept on a regular basis. i see a guy chase after a girl for months wanting to date her, only to dump her just 2 weeks after she said she'd give it a try. i see a girl idealize a guy, putting him on a perfect pedestal and making him into the dream of what she's always wanted, only to be disappointed when the guy proves to be just that, a guy, and the dream proves to be just a dream.

i see individuals finally get their ideal jobs after years of education only to leave them once they discover they weren't everything they wanted. i see marriages fail once one or both people decide they don't want to make it work. and i see countless good things go to waste when we decide that those good things are no longer worth wanting.

we are constantly searching for what will make us happy, for what we want: no more braces. no more glasses. no more 5 extra pounds. no more high school. no more college. no more career that we no longer like. that new look. that new friend. that new job. that new relationship. that new toy. that new gadget. that new car. that new house. that new life. only to discover the question, "i just got exactly what i want, why am i not happy?"

and we fail to realize that it's truly not getting what we want that will make us happy but being content with exactly what we have. if we're single, it means basking in the love of those all around us instead of focusing on the one type of love that we don't have. if we're working, it means making the best out of a tough job situation and maybe even discovering that we kind of like it. if we're married, it means honoring and adoring that other person who decided that we were worthy of his or her forever and not looking for ideal and unreal comparisons that that person will simply never meet.

it is my prayer that we can all see the beauty, love, and happiness in what we currently have, not in some dream of what we want. and that at the end of the day we can say with paul in philippians 4:11-13, "i am not saying this because i am in need, for i have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. i know what it is to be in need, and i know what it is to have plenty. i have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. i can do all this through HIM who gives me strength."

motivational speakers

2011-03-03T21:19:00.000-08:00

i firmly believe that true motivational speakers are those people who continue to speak despite difficulty or disorder. thanks to this new, little movie called "the king's speech," people all over the world are beginning to learn about the incredible world of speech pathology, and global interest is increasing through various research and documentaries. but as much as one famous person with a speech disorder is generating interest in this area of study, this area of study has gotten me interested in learning about other famous people who have or have had speech impairments. in redesigning our department's bulletin board for this semester, i decided to research famous people with speech disorders and was fascinated by the list that i found. i decided to put my favorite quotes from these individuals along with their names and their area of past or current difficulty. i find courage and inspiration in knowing that some of the most well-known people deal with some of the most difficult obstacles to produce their words and to truly find their voices. for a longer list of other celebrities and well-known people, go here.

"one of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can't utter." james earl jones, stutter

"we are all stars, and we deserve to twinkle." marilyn monroe, stutter

"perseverance is failing 19 times and succeeding the 20th." julie andrews, vocal nodules

"a pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty." winston churchill, lisp & stutter

"if you love someone, you say it, right then, out loud. otherwise, the moment just passes you by." julia roberts, stutter

"the highest of distinctions is service to others." king george VI, stutter

"he who knows best knows how little he knows." thomas jefferson, lisp

"it's easy to make a buck. it's a lot tougher to make a difference." tom brokaw, rhotacism (difficulty producing /r/)

"if you put out 150 percent, then you can always expect 100 percent back." justin timberlake, vocal nodules

"if i have seen further than others, it is by standing upon the shoulders of giants." isaac newton, stutter